How comfortable are you men at discussing your recent ex-partner or relationships when you start dating someone soon after your relationship ended?

12 comments

1. Honestly I’d rather let sleeping dogs lie. I get that history is important especially when you’re laying foundation for the future but fact is if I’m still talking about her she still has a hold on me and I probably shouldn’t be dating at all.

2. It took two years for me to find someone I wanted a relationship with, and even now nearly 3 years after I split up with my ex… I don’t talk about her and don’t want to. I don’t feel a need to bring anything from the past up.

3. I try to avoid it. Generally, women I’m dating don’t like hearing about my former partners, and frankly, I don’t like speaking about them. It’s somewhat frustrating when a woman asks direct questions, because if I answer, she gets jealous, and if I don’t answer, she thinks I’m hiding something. Lose-lose.

4. I mean, I wouldn’t feel like bringing it up when I start dating someone else as my focus should be on the new relationship. However, it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t take the lessons I learned from the previous relationships and apply it. Or, not discuss it if something relatable comes up or if she asks briefly (just not going into all the details versus as short summary).

5. I think there is a line to be walked, between dental and rubbing your current partner’s face in it.

   I would say there are some intimate things that should stay private. But “I know a place in Florence because I went there with..” or ” I don’t like … because this happened with an ex” is healthy.

6. Depends on what there is to discuss. I’m not really into full psychological analysis done by two people who basically aren’t psychologists and also don’t feel the need to make morale judgements later on. But talking about general dynamics or what kind of person an ex was (what they did and hobbies) would be fine imo.

7. Very comfortable considering I would have nothing to talk about.

8. “ex partner”… nope dont have one.

9. I’m an open book. But I’m five or six years out from my last LTR, there’s no thought experiment or healing to be had in that discussion. That said, I really don’t mind, and even enjoy the idea that we can frame our mistakes and growth beside who we used to be. I think a partner can potentially learn valuable info and appreciate or celebrate who I am today based on the juxtaposition. If my partner doesn’t need that info to be the partner I need, and me for them, then it’s not something I’m going to dredge up. If I feel any sense of urgency about sharing that history, it’s probably more appropriate for therapy.

10. Ask him

11. If my new partner asks, I’ll answer. If not, then I’m not going to bring my ex up. What’s in the past is the past.

12. Why?

    It’s in the past.