Parties, dinners, events: do you expect your partner to invite you? How often do you invite them along?

15 comments

1. It’s all about what works for *your* relationship. In my relationship, we do nearly all social things together unless someone has to work and, even then, if it’s a big enough social thing and the other can take off work then we consider it. For example, last week I had a work happy hour. He was working and it wasn’t a big thing and was mostly work colleagues so I didn’t invite him. In a few months, I have a wedding for a work colleague and so I’ve asked him to see if he can get off of work that day to go with me. For Easter yesterday, his family was getting together and my family wasn’t. The expectation was we would go to his family’s gathering. So yes, we have an expectation that the other will invite the other to nearly everything but that’s just what works for us. I know many couples where they rarely join each other for the other’s planned social events. I would discuss what the expectations are but do *you* want to invite them. If so then invite them.

2. I’m having the opposite problem. I wish my girlfriend would invite me along more often to social things. Like she had a BBQ at a friend’s house yesterday and I would’ve loved to be invited.

   I guess it’s a matter of balance. Sometimes it’s nice to see your friends without your partner – it’s a different vibe. Sometimes it’s nice to have your partner by your side.

3. I never invite partners as a “plus one” to social events or to see my family. I might ask someone to a specific activity with my friends if I thought they might enjoy it. But if I’m spending time with a partner, it’s probably because we’re on a date or doing something together.

4. It really depends on your relationship. We live together and it’s been several years. We do all events together, except for guys/girls night and such. We usually schedule our day’s off to go to each other’s family events. We generally alternate holidays, her family or my family.

5. I think this depends on the person and the event. I dated one person for six months and never took them to anything like this, but in other relationships we invited and attended events together almost immediately. Whatever makes you happy is fine!

6. >I’m naturally a very independent woman

   —

   >are y’all inviting your partners to most other events? Do you expect them to do the same?

   I’m also a very independent woman, but yes. If they do not after we’ve been dating for some time, I’d question why and even become suspicious. I don’t see wanting to share my life with my mate as antithetical to being an “independent woman.”

7. 6 months in, unless it’s going for something seriously long term, I wouldn’t invite for family just yet. (Again, as others noted, it depends on what works best for your relationship)

   One thing I’m not seeing in your post: what has he said, if anything about not getting an invite? Some people are pretty happy just hanging out with you and then doing their own thing when you’re with other people, some will want to be included. That’s the more important question you may want to send their way if you haven’t yet.

   Things like concerts or meeting friends for some drinks are very casual and normal to bring a +1 along for. To your point, a family funeral wouldn’t be anytime soon.

8. Once my gf and I are official I tend to invite her along to anything/everything within reason but also note that she doesn’t have to come along to everything if she doesn’t want. It works in reverse as well and I’d say we tend to attend most of the important things (cultural holidays, weddings, etc) but if it’s just a casual dinner one of us might skip it if we’ve got other things to do and we’ve seen the people recently as well.

   Personally, I like to see how my partner gets along with friends/family and reacts in different situations so inviting them to a multitude of events early makes sense. If they’re going to struggle with friends/family or seem atrociously embarrassing at work events I’d like to know this earlier rather than later.

   Plus, most of my friends/family/colleagues are intrigued to see who’s managed to put up with me for this long 🤣

9. I invite my boyfriend to all events unless, like you’ve pointed out, it’s a situation where it wouldn’t be appropriate. I expect the same from him.

10. I have a tight group of friends and only a couple of us are single. If there’s a party (like cookout/drinking/game night) it’s not uncommon for one of us to bring a plus one even if it’s just a second or third date. Being one of the only single people at a party can get old. If it were a family function or work event that’s a different story though.

11. I’m a very social person so I invite everyone to everything really. Yea 6 months in I’d be inviting him to plenty of stuff

12. It’s perfectly normal to invite your boyfriend to social outings with your friends, and if this was me, I’d expect the same from him (not every event obviously, but yeah).

    I think it just comes down to whatever feels natural to you (and appropriate to the occasion). If you’re having dinner with some friends that you haven’t seen in a long time and you want to just focus on that, it’s perfectly fine not to invite your bf (and vice versa, speaking for myself, if my boyfriend just wants to hang with his friends on his own that’s fine with me); otherwise if your friends are having a fun day out, extend the invite and bring your bf (do mention it to your friends if they’re meeting him for the first time), and have a great time.

13. 1 week after a first date I was invited to thanksgiving dinner which consisted of her siblings…. I said no thank you as that was way too soon for me and she understood that.

    Fast forwards to 5 months I invited her to meet my dad and she’s on the fence because she’s undecided (Sometimes she never met the parents in other relationships) so I take that as it’s too soon and I’m ok with that. However she did say she’s willing to meet friends and siblings first.

    So it’s really dependent on the relationship and the person, especially after reading other comments in here it’s normal.

14. i’m also very independent and have been with my bf 9 months. if my boyfriend or i get invited to or plan to go to something, we will share that plan with each other regardless of whether they are invited. it would be weird to hide that from my bf or ever be in the dark about what he’s doing? it’s easy to be like “hey babe, are you free saturday? so and so is throwing a housewarming and i’m planning on going, i’d love if you joined me” or “we don’t have anything planned for friday right? i got invited to a wine night with the girls”. just like when he tells me he got invited to top golf with his guy friends or whatever i assume i’m not invited, but it’s good to know what he has going on so i can avoid looking for/making plans for us at that time and can figure out something else to do. this has been the case since basically the day we were official.

15. Just wanted to say I’m also in my first real relationship (feels weird at 30+!) of about 7 months now so I can relate.

    Neither of us have family in the same country but I think I wouldn’t bring him to all family events. Usually when I make plans with my friends we decide if it’s a group thing or a just girls thing first, or I’ll tell him I want to do an activity or something then ask my friends if they want to go too. Not so much that I’m invited to something then I bring him as a +1. I also wouldn’t want to be that girl who brings her boyfriend to everything and makes her friends have to hang out with him all the time–even worse if they aren’t expecting it–so that’s why I usually make it clear upfront.