My close friend (L) has a partner (G) that I end up spending a decent amount of time with. G has a lot of panic attacks, and usually when I am there when they have one, L is there to comfort G. I am never really sure what to do, so I just leave them alone. I feel like anything I have to say would be unwanted and awkward because I don’t know G that well and I have no idea what they are going through. But I always feel really guilty about this for some reason. I used to have pretty severe anxiety myself, and have gotten panic attacks in public spaces where I didn’t know anyone. I think that personally, I would have appreciated someone comforting me while I went through the panic attack instead of ignoring me, but I don’t know if others would want the same.
We had final exams this past week, and a few minutes before the bell rang, as I was walking to my class, I saw G sitting alone at a picnic table. It was pretty obvious they were having a panic attack from their body language and the fact that it was finals. Once again, I just walked by them without saying anything. And now I am filled with guilt. I have no idea if I should have comforted them or left them alone.
If anyone has any thoughts or advice on this, I would really appreciate it. Sorry if this was badly written.
3 comments
I would ask your friend to find out from G if that would be welcomed. Usually when someone is on their own they have coping strategies or things they do to work through it. I doubt that it would be unwelcomed but you didn’t do the wrong thing by doing nothing. But if they look like they are having a hard time controlling their emotions and don’t seem like they’ll be able to come out of it on their own, it wouldn’t hurt to find out if there is anything you can do to help them work through what’s going on so they can go about their day. And the answer may be no, so be prepared for that.
Ask G directly! Every panic attack can be pretty different. Some people want hugs, some people can’t stand being touched.
Basic but effective is offering water. But the previous answers are right: ASK because it’s different for everyone.