How do I get started with masturbation/get better at knowing what I like?

8 comments

1. Start slow. Take a hot bath/shower and relax. If you have ever read or watched anything that has peeked your sexual interest or gave you a intense feeling then focus on that. You have to mentally be there in the moment. Don’t think about what you are doing. Think about the whatever turns you on, even if it’s not really that sexual (like a picture of someone you think is hot) focus mentally on that. Let your hands explore your body until you reach a spot that feels good. I don’t recommend fingering at first. Just do what feels good. Keep a study motion and pressure when you find the spot, all the while focusing on your mental picture. You should feel the intensity build getting more excited. Don’t get frustrated some girls take a while to orgasm. Just keep concentrating and you will get there.

2. A book that helped me is called Enjoy Sex. It was recommended by my sex therapist. You could also try the OMGyes web site. I like listening to the podcast Sex with Emily.

3. I had no idea what I was doing and I just felt like no matter what I tried, I didn’t know how to “let go”. So at age 19 I bought a little tiny bullet vibrator. I played with my nipples a little first and I touched the vibrator very lightly to my pussy and clit. I felt I got a bit wet, but I didn’t really know what I was doing. I just held the vibrator gently against my clit area and noticed a pressure building up inside me, but within seconds of that pressure building up I suddenly felt waves of pleasure and felt my stomach / core shaking. Actually getting the very first orgasm sort of opened the door and I was able to take my time experimenting after that. Now at 32 I’m cumming in 2 minutes without a vibrator and then once or twice after that if I’m in the mood.

   I would also personally recommend OMGyes as in recent years it has helped me learn some new techniques which I’ve really enjoyed doing.

4. Ask your friends what they do or like to do when getting aroused or turned on or look it up on the internet or read up on it, when I started getting curious about sex and masturbation I would start rubbing on different body parts of mine and got my sister to start being interested in it as well and we both were exploring one anothers bodies and masturbating together that’s how I figured out what I liked most to do when I was by myself and what got me turned on the most or fastest and most erect and biggest and that is when I would masturbate starting out slow and easy and gradually speeding up and thinking about things that I have seen and done and when I was finally about to ejaculate I would slow down when it reached the bottom of the mushroom of the head of my dick and when I finally started cumming it would be shooting out so fast hard and longer than it ever had and I was in such complete and amazing orgasm and exctaxy I couldn’t do anything till I got all feeling back in my arms and legs

5. I think someone else already mentioned it but I’ll second it Sex with Emely is a great podcast that makes you feel more comfortable with yourself and where to start. Honestly for me I play with myself daily but I don’t like to finger myself i have always liked toys. If you want to try toys go to your local sex shop and talk to them they usually have some great things to start with.

   I myself started with a bullet it’s small and you can see if you like it. Now I know what I like and get different toys. I would always recommend the womanizer but not for starters since you don’t know what your comfortable with.

   Some people like to start in the shower I myself don’t like the shower and like doing it before bed time. So it’s a trial and error kinda thing. Is okay if you don’t completely love it the first few times. One you get comfortable and have a better understanding of what you like you will enjoy doing it.

6. Assuming you are female. 🙂 a great way to start would be to engage with some sexy content. This could be porn videos, erotic audio, fanfic, erotic literature, nudes, sexy art, hell, even a photo of a random hot person. What ever floats your boat.

   I honestly like to watch porn/read erotic lit/fanfic without masturbating (ahead of time) and find things that turn me out without the pressure of trying to eke out an orgasm on the spot. Later, when I am ready to masturbate, I can go back to that content.

   When you are ready to do the dirty, first try to find somewhere safe and quiet. A locked door is great. You don’t want to worry about a family member barging in. As a teen, I would only masturbate in the dead of night or when I was home alone because I had no privacy, lol. The bathroom and tub may be a good place to start. I actually don’t recommend masturbating in the shower/tub with water going because the water kinda gets rid of the lubrication that builds up. For me, laying in bed is the holy grail

   Find a position that is comfortable. Could be laying on your back, on your tummy, on your side, doggy style (ass up), you name it. Some people like to sit up, others like to lay back. I feel like the best is with no clothes on or minimal clothes, but if you are uncomfortable with that then don’t worry about it. Looser undies/pants is your best bet so you have easy access.

   I recommend getting a hand mirror and checking out what you look like. You may be really unfamiliar/grossed out by your body. It will be hard to pleasure yourself if this is the case. Self-knowledge and self-acceptance is what will empower you to have the best sex/masturbation of your life. Look up diagrams of the vulva and start figuring out which parts are which if you are unfamiliar.

   Now for actual touching… experiment! With just your fingers, caress your inner thighs, stomach, labia majora, labia minora. Poke and prod at your clit. Stroke up from your vaginal opening to your clit to help bring wetness up there. Trying rubbing your clit over and under the clitoral hood to see what sensation feels the best. Use one finger, two fingers, three, a pillow, a vibrator, a phallic shaped object. Try up and down motions, side to side, circular, tapping, light slapping. If something feels good, follow that feeling! Take breaks and shift your hip positions. Sometimes that makes things feel different. You can try putting a finger or two in your vagina, but you don’t have to. I get virtually no pleasure from penetrating myself; it’s all clit for me. The world is your oyster.

7. There’s no shortage of resources online, and as mentioned higher up, OMGyes is a good one to look at. A lot of what works for you will come down to a bit of exploration, trying different things and seeing what feels good and what doesn’t, and also masturbation can be whatever you want it to be, you don’t have to finger yourself for it to necessarily feel good. I’d very much suggest finding some personal time, setting the scene so you can relax wherever you are, and doing a little reading, what works for other women and trying those things out a little, explore your body, find your own erogenous zones, and if something feels good, keep doing it. It’s also worth investing in a good sex toy as they open up a lot of new things you can do, and they’re also something you can work into your sex life with a partner as a bit of fun. Good luck and have a fun time exploring.

8. In addition to all that has been said here, it’ll also take you quite a while to learn how to orgasm because you first need to figure out what parts of your body pleasure you the most and what arouses you the most, and that’s completely normal. When it comes to figuring out what arouses you, there’s lots of material out there from erotic fiction/fanfiction to pictures to videos so explore that too if you’re comfortable with it. Good luck! <3