I think it might be an anxiety thing. But I’ve told him exactly what normally gets me going, and tried touching myself with him too and nothing. I feel super turned on and I get very wet but I can never orgasm. What can we do to help me calm down/focus in bed?

3 comments

  1. Calming down should be natural as time passes. Spending time together and being open and honest should help a lot. Also knowing well your erogenous zones.

  2. It’s not strange for this to happen with a new partner in my experience, it takes a while to get used to someone else’s touch. Try to relax in the moment and remember sex should be fun not pressure, remember the silliness of the situation and enjoy what you can

  3. It sounds like expectation is killing your arousal.

    I understand the frustration of not getting off when you are all pent up and need the release, but the way you talk about “focus” in bed, that you’ve told him “exactly” what “normally” get you going, it sounds like you are very outcome-focussed. This hyper-obsession with the outcome is probably causing you to not be fully present in your body while things are happening because you are too in-your-head and thinking rather than feeling.

    In the simplest form, an orgasm is just a bodily reflex – sensory input is processed by the body and when/if that level of stimulation reaches the person’s individual orgasm threshold, it triggers the response. If you are THINKING about orgasm you are not FEELING what is being done in bed (i.e. the sensory input). You might simply need more time to fully relax around your boyfriend so you can properly be present, so give it some time.

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