For starters, I’ve always had a hard time relaxing and getting out of my own head when starting a sexual relationship, but I’m honestly having a hard time sexualizing this girl. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m so infatuated with her but she’s just like a work of art to me and so fucking cute and perfect. I honestly am so worried I won’t be able to get it up now and it’s a vicious cycle I can’t escape because all I want to do is give her the best I can, and getting an erection is a really subconscious thing that often feels out of my control. I don’t really have access to a doctor right now to get any ED meds and I really don’t need them, so I am hoping there are maybe some techniques or something we could do that would make me feel more comfortable around her when we are going to have sex. I can’t believe I’m having this problem but here I am. Since meeting her a month ago I haven’t felt really any sexual desire for anyone and all I think about is her. I’ve masturbated a few times thinking about her, but should I go back to watching porn now? What should I do?
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If you can get hard to masturbate, the problem is likely in your head not your genitals.
just try sex, and if you can’t get up, tell her the truth about why. She will find it flattering. It sounds like you’re just not comfortable with her yet but the more you get to know her the more comfortable you’ll feel and the dick will respond.
Let her know. Showing honesty and vulnerability is not easy, but if she is a good person, she would welcome it. Besides, penetrative sex is far from the only way to have sex. Don’t forget that most women cannot come from penetration or penetration only. It happened once to my younger and less experienced self. No usable erection for me. We had a great time caressing and cuddling. The next, my apprehensions where gone.
So your putting her on a pedestal she is super cute and beautiful but your ignoring that she is human. She farts she drools and vomits too. You both are lucky about her looks but if you keep thinking of her this way you will never be able to live up to your standards of her.
Try to get comfortable with her and don’t put too much pressure on yourself, even if you don’t get hard enough the first couple of times, don’t sweat it. You can still have an amazing time with her.
Also cut frequent masturbation, and please, do not go back to porn!
> maybe some techniques or something we could do that would make me feel more comfortable
Ask her to give you a blow job as foreplay. When I have a bit too much to drink it can be more difficult than normal to perform and sometimes it goes to my head and causes ED from performance anxiety when I’m with a new partner. A 1-2 min blow job fixes that right up.
You should really look up the Madonna-whore complex
You like her. She likes you. Don’t overthink it. Go slow.
If you can’t get hard just eat her ass
Talk to her. It could help if you open up to her about your insecurity. Maybe you could mention that you’re very attracted to her and feel a little intimidated or worried that if you don’t perform to a certain level that she would be disappointed. This will give her the opportunity to tell you what kind of physical touch she actually wants. It’s possible, even likely, that what she would most enjoy isn’t even penetration but something else that you’re also able to give her.
You could use generic viagra? I do not much about how to get it. But many of my friends use it, when they really like a girl and dont want to fuck it up
It took me 10-15 times with my girlfriend to get “boner” comfortable around her, it will take some time!
What a lovely problem to have.
not the end of the world. the guy i’m with now couldn’t get hard the first few times. just gotta relax and get out of your head. if she’s a normal person she will understand you can’t control that
I had a guy say this to me before, and it was flattering. It wasn’t a problem because the next time we had sex he was able to perform. Then I met my now husband, and he shared similar sentiments. Again, it was flattering. However, he still had issues performing going forward. He still gets in head a lot for different reasons, and it ruins the experience. Like another commenter said, she’s human and poops just like you. Yes, be honest with her. More than likely she’ll find it flattering. But then you need to work on getting out of your head. Sex is more of a dealbreaker than people like to admit. Don’t let that cause problems in your relationship before it even starts, especially since you seem to really like her.
I’ve had similar issues in the past. Normally when I get in bed with a really hot girl quite fast and we haven’t quite connected yet on an emotional level.
The problem here is that you are not comfortable around her, which leads to 2 issues:
1. You are too scared to do the things to her you need to feel horny ie you aren’t wanking your dick for a little bit when she spreads her legs, or grabbing her properly in a way that will actually get you hard.
I used to have this problem a bit with new girls during multiple sex sessions. I’m in my 30’s so after I’ve had sex 1-2 times in a night I usually have to go piss before I can continue having more sex. I was feeling uncomfortable for a while going to the toilet with girls I didn’t know that well and as a result trying to have sex while needing to pee a bit, which feels really horrible when you are pounding her hard.
So I just bit the bullet and started telling women “I’m using the bathroom I’ll be back” and peeing. Turns out no woman gave a shit and it gave me a few minutes to piss, clean a little downstairs, have a glass of water of whatever and come back to the bed feeling way more comfortable.
2. You are too uncomfortable at the idea of going soft that you are thinking about it instead of her, and then going soft as a result. The dreaded downwards dick-spiral.
The only good way out of this second loop is to become comfortable losing your erection. That’s the secret… you have to be able to go soft or fail to get hard without feeling embarrassed or caring about it. If you fail to get hard just brush it off “My dick is a little drunk… play with him a bit while I finger you” and don’t make it a big deal. Same if you go soft, just pull it out, smile at her, and start giving her head or whatever.
Ironically once you truly don’t care about it, the problem usually just goes away on its own. If you are scared of going soft you’ll consistently go soft – it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hope this helps you a bit more than the bullshit “it’s all in your head” answers. Of course it’s all in your head, but that isn’t useful advice when you are staring down at a limp dick not knowing what to do while some babe is spread in front of you waiting for action.
Had the same thing too once, she was like too perfect, I got nervous and couldn’t get it up
The next time I used like 1/3 viagra pill, I guess it helped me to relax more, we fucked for hours haha
Then we had a weekend in Amsterdam and I had problems again, probably anxiety and this time without any helping pill
It all went away after being with her a couple of times and feeling more comfortable
You can talk to her about this, I’m sure she will be understanding and feel complimented that you are just too anxious because she’s so precious
Sounds like Madonna Whore Complex
You need to calm down. I’m looking at it like you are rushing it. Maybe she doesn’t like you like that yet. I don’t know about you past relationships but is it seems a month is too long for you to wait.
Practice edging and staying mindful of rhythmic slower breathing during. If you can learn to slowly edge and maintain an erection for a long duration while remembering to breathe, this is perfect training for staying calm and having stamina in the heat of sexual connection with another person.
Certain natural herbs really help support too and have at this point lots of clinical studies to verify their physiological supportive effects.
Look into herbs like ginseng root, cordyceps mushrooms, tribulus, pine pollen and pine bark, and maca root. There are many others but these have a long history of effective use and safety associated with them.
Tell her you are nervous. Find out what you can do to her to enjoy playing without fucking her. oral, fingers and toys