Edit: this will be weird without context so here’s a link with my previous post

https://old.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/zq6if9/attracted_to_a_man_i_find_repulsive/

Its now 15h30 where i live. This happened yesterday night. I definitely calmed down but i am still emotionally a wreck and just feel weird and out of place.

So yesterday night i went out with my friends at the club. I didn’t drink cause i had this gut feeling that i shouldn’t. So i didn’t.

Somewhere along the line this guy, to whom i am physically attracted to but personality wise i just dislike him, showed up. He greeted my friends properly but when it came to me he just said hi with a head nod / gesture. So he barely acknowledges me and i think that’s extremely rude and I won’t lie, this made my stomach already drop and i was really upset. But I didn’t show this, i just kept doing my thing trying to distract myself. A friend and i were talking with two guys but i couldn’t stop thinking about him and i constantly was searching for him with my eyes.

Maybe like an hour later i see him on the couch. With two girls, one on the left one on the right. Heavily flirting. They were all over him he was all over them. I feel my heart beating so fast its exploding. And then 20 minutes later i just left.
Didn’t tell my friends why, i just said my head was hurting.
Ended up in my bed crying cause he barely acknowledged me AND he was with two girls, and who knows where it would lead outside the club. I felt and feel so ridiculously. pathetic and i wont be able to talk with my best friends about it cause i feel so ashamed to be reacting like this. I cant explain it to myself. Its so irrational but just so stupid. I need to talk to someone about this but i wont be able to. I wanted to hide in my flat and never come out again yesterday. And today i am feeling the same way.

It makes me crazy cause i have no reason to feel like this and i never felt like this for someone out of the blue. We are not in a relationship why do i feel so bad about this?
I swear on everything. My stomach hurt from the anxiety and anger & disappointment. I did really feel like throwing up. And this over a man i find repulsive and just dsgusting. I don’t understand i just don’t and i need someone to talk to i wish i could call my best friend but my ego wont even let me admit that i am THAT pathetic.
Also… I can’t bring myself to whisper this out loud even to myself and i am finding it difficult to even write it right now but i spent a huge portion of last night wishing i had been drinking and would have been the one ending up on a couch, that close to him.
I can’t believe my brain is functioning this way.

My day is ruined. My mom and siblings are coming over tonight for Christmas and i just hope that will be enough to distract myself. I don’t want to ruin tonight for myself, i actually want to enjoy the time with my family. They don’t live in my same city so we don’t see each other often.

I spent the night crying and being upset over someone who means nothing to me, someone i am just attracted to and i feel so guilty and weird cause its out of character. All of this while also not being able to open up to my closest friends because of my ego and pride.

8 comments

  3. Talk to a therapist, seriously. This isn’t a situation that a short conversation could help you address. Usually there are deep foundational problems that need to be resolved, and it can take time to identify them. A therapist is trained to help guide you along this process and be a reliable confidant.

  4. Take time to think about it. Meditate on this situation and if you don’t find any peace, maybe do as someone above mentionned. The’re maybe lost of reason of why this angers you, only you know. Personnally, i wouldn’t put my anger on ‘him’.

  5. it’s okay to be attracted to someone:) I think you just have to accept that. I’ve had crushes on some dickheads too and it’s not fun. but it sounds like he is into you and probably wouldn’t flirt with other people if you started taking him seriously and like he said “get the balls to kiss him sobber”

    don’t let him get you upset! that’s what is hurting your ego the most (another thing I also struggle with) you can message me if you don’t want to talk to your friends about it 💟💟

  8. At the very least you have a drinking problem. Alcohol is no excuse to act up, which is something you will have to learn as you mature. Even in your post you say that you wish you were drinking to cope with your problems (that arose out of drinking too much).

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