I have this friend who her and I act pretty similar to each other but one of our friends treats us completely different. We’ll call this friend B, and my other friend F. Basically B and I have very similar aesthetics and same mannerisms but F will treat her with more appreciation and respect. Honestly this happened a while ago but I’m still hurt about it and confused. Everywhere we went, F would show off B to new friends or just talk to B the entire time. B was always smarter, cleaner, better. F started this thing where he would say don’t mess with B because she’s crazy but then go and treat me the way he wouldn’t treat her. Her and I act the exact same and I would put him in his place and show him not to mess with me but I feel like I wasn’t being taken seriously and most of the time was just treated like a scapegoat. I feel overlooked and powerless. Other friends picked up on this and started treating B differently from me. I was compared to B a lot. When I would ask how come B gets away with a lot but I don’t, it would be because B is scary. B never did anything to cue this treatment and its all based on Fs statements. I mentioned to F that I felt excluded and they cussed me out and called me self absorbed. Obviously I know not everything is about me and I shouldn’t expect to be center of attention or special treatment but I just wanted to be more included in the group dynamic and to be shat on less. B even agreed that I was being unfairly treated when we shared the same calm and collected personality. I have stopped surrounding myself with these people for almost 2 months now and have been putting in effort to make myself feel better but I’m so confused and hurt. Why was I treated differently from her? I feel jealous and upset when I know she did nothing wrong to me but I wonder if I really was that much different from her. I’m wondering if from writing it out, someone can see the situation from an outside perspective and let me know if perhaps I looked too deep into it or just offer tips on how to avoid this kind of situation and get over it. Sorry for the really long post.
1 comment
My thoughts, maybe you’re not as similar in body language, even though other actions are similar.
As things went on maybe other picked up on the insecurities and it made you appear “smaller and less “scary”
Instead of trying to be just like your friend and getting the same attention, be happy she was seen in a positive way and join in on the encouraging. It’ll make you seem less insecure and your friend will appreciate the compliments.
If it bothers you too much and you feel like it’s not a good group for you then move on to people that are a better fit.
One final note, don’t try to be a scary/badass person, even if your friend is seen as that and it makes you jealous. It may seem cool, but it really isn’t all that. People like kind, confident people to surround themselves with. Plus you can just be your own person.