Our sex life sucks? (30, M and 24, F)
I am at a lost of what to do.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 3 months. We’ve met each others family, friends and are serious as far as I know.
I have many feelings for him and I almost love him. He’s 6 years older than me.
As far as sex history, I’m pretty experienced and he says he is not. I don’t know if that’s true but I’m not sure if it even matters.
Anyways, every time we have tried to have sex… he gets soft. The times we have tried we both have been drinking so idk if it’s alcohol.
Both of us still live at home. We tried once in his bed, and 2 other times.
He says he gets soft because he gets nervous and also because gets nervous trying to please me.
He does get hard when we kiss and makeout. And we have had oral sex where he ejaculates with the help of his hand and my mouth. We have just have not had sex.
I’ve been patient and i don’t mind waiting to see if he stops being “nervous” but it bothers me that he gets soft.
I take care of myself hygiene wise and beauty wise.
As far as I know he is attracted to me.. he made all the first moves in dating me and becoming my boyfriend. We spend alot of time together and communicate well.
I try not to mention our sex life too often to him to not make him feel bad, but i overthink a lot and i want to have sex. I want him to get hard for me.
I’ve never had this problem with anyone before and i need advice!
TLDR; my boyfriend doesn’t get hard
3 comments
Try having sex without alcohol involved. Don’t push for intercourse or anything that requires an erection, have that just be something you two can do, and switch around to other things smoothly if it isn’t working so that he stops feeling pressured to be erect. And he needs to look into death grip syndrome, and if he has been masturbating that way for a long time, retrain himself.
It’s kinda common actually to not be able to get hard. You need to be careful not to get into a weird cycle of having every time he doesn’t get hard being a big fail, making the pressure even higher next time. You don’t need him to be hard in order to have nice sex. The focus can be on you, he can use a toy on you. If this keeps being an issue the medication for it is really effective and often using it for a little while is enough to get the self confidence needed. Alcohol obviously makes everything worse.
If he says he’s not very experienced I think in this instance you should believe him.
It’s possible he thinks you expect him to be good at sex given his age, and since he doesn’t have much experience he knows he’s not and that makes him overthink and get nervous.
You’ve also only been dating for 3 months, and as close as you are, he might still need to be even more comfortable with you to be intimate.
Don’t stress over it, and don’t rush either.