This is a question that that i have always wondered as a kid. Are social interactions all based on social skills? Why do some people get good postive feedback while others receive mostly negative? The answer i came with was that my looks was the main problem and it was the cause of everything. It explains the reason i was bullied a lot by classmates and teachers and the reason i came out as social awkward adult. Now i always didn’t believe that social skills is “a skill” i believe that socialising children is about feedback loops. If you put a child in an environment that punsh them for who they are then ofc they’d withdraw from that environment and find entertainment elsewhere. And now that am an adult in college i am realising that the reason we all get different social experiences has a lot to do with how attractive or unattractive we are because that has been my experience. For example an attractive man approaching a woman will be recived as confident while an ugly man would be seen as a creep. These things are just reality.
3 comments
You’re right that appearance plays a decisive role in how you’re treated.
But you could incorporate two thoughts into your logic:
– It is not only the objective beauty but also much (predominantly) what you can influence (facial expressions, gestures, appearance, clothes).
– Objectively beautiful people also have disadvantages in social interactions. Gorgeous women/men can’t have normal conversations with the opposite sex because they are only adored. And in the same sex, there can also be defensive/envious attitudes.
In bullying, it is often that beautiful or otherwise non-ordinary students are picked out to get socially challenged (and maybe eventually bullied)
Resilience and social skills can be built and honed, they most certainly are skills
Yeah looks do matter, but if you think that’s all that matters you set yourself for failure because you won’t improve all the other stuff that matters
I think there’s an underlying reason why you’re asking this. Whatever it is just observe and take note on how people socialize and then use it. Work on your self esteem. Why are you making socializing hard for yourself? Why do you need feedback on everything you do or say when it’s just about socializing there isn’t any outcome needed? Socializing is not transactional.