At first I thought this was only an issue with men approaching women, but the response was “treat women like people”
It was then that it occurred to me that I have no idea how to treat a person. I’ve been completely winging it for most of my life.
How do I talk to people without being creepy? It just occurred that I might be the creepiest person alive and not even know it.
Paranoid? Yes. Potentially misogyny? Also yes.
1 comment
Honestly IMO it is simply a matter of awareness and trial and error.
Go interact with people, and trust your gut when you see how they react. If they genuinely seem that they are enjoying themselves (smiling, responding with a give and take, building off what you are saying) then you are probably doing alright. If not, change something about how you are acting.
Some simple tips might be:
– get them to talk about themselves with open ended questions. Instead of saying “Did you like x” which they can only answer with yes or no, as “What was your favorite part about x?” which they can answer any way they wan’t (my favorite question to get people to open up is “What is your LEAST favorite part of x?”)
– Mirror some of their actions. Do this subtly — you don’t want to be a copycat. But if you notice they are facing right towards you, you face right back. If they are looking off to the side, you do the same.
– “Yes and” them. If they say “My dog took so long to go out this morning, and I was almost late to work.” you could say “Wow, that really sucks. I know the feeling, my dog used to pull away from our house when I walked him every morning. What’s the worst thing your dog does on walks?” (notice the open ended question).
– Don’t try and force yourself to be the funniest, or coolest, or best at whatever. Just say whatever is on your mind (within reason) and watch how they react. Being genuine is actually really easy to do, but people will notice immediately if you are trying too hard to be something you are not.
– Acknowledge and laugh at creepy or embarrassing moments. I went out with a girl about a month ago and couldn’t get a read on whether I should go for a kiss or not. I literally said out loud at the end of the date “This is kind of embarrassing but I really wanted to kiss you before we leave and I couldn’t tell if you wanted to also.” She was into it so we did and it actually made for a cute/funny moment that we wouldn’t have had if I didn’t acknowledge the awkwardness. Obviously don’t try this without knowing the person and getting a feel for things first.
Look at the subtle cues from the person and assess if they are enjoying the interaction. I think generally your gut will tell you the truth. Thinking about it too hard afterwards might make you second guess yourself though.