I want to go out and date (but not hookup) but I don’t want to use any dating apps, and I also don’t have any social media. I also don’t really have any hobbies, especially ones that involve a community (at least in real life). My only hobby that may count is hiking, but 1) I heard that’s not a great way to meet potential partners, and 2) I don’t really feel comfortable going alone (I’ve only ever done it with my ex) and have no one to come with.
I am kind of a hermit, I have one friend who I talk to somewhat regularly but we don’t see each other often and we’re not very close. The only place I interact with others (beyond small talk) is at work, other than that I mostly sit at home doing whatever. I do however take care of myself and keep things clean, so I am not a slob and I would say I look pretty decent and approachable.
Lastly, I am pretty introverted. I don’t really enjoy talking with others, even at family gatherings, unless we have a connection and I am truly interested in what they have to say and vice versa. I have always considered myself shy, but it’s been improving over the years and I would say I am at least somewhat confident with speaking. Although I am not very humorous and have a pretty poor vocabulary, so it’s still a struggle for sure.
Anyway, what are some ideas for how someone like me could get out and date, find potential partners?
Thanks!
P.S. I am 20 years old so anything that involves drinking is out of question. I wouldn’t want anything that involves drinking anyway though, I have never liked it even a little bit.
7 comments
You gotta leave your comfort zone. Introverted men cannot find love by keeping to themselves. It’s been that way for most of history and I doubt it will change. I’m introverted myself so I know the struggle
Do some hobby where intovert persons are in:
Drawing, reading, learning languajes , etc and the most important get off your comfort zone. It can be hard, but try to do the firts step.
i read something interesting today: nothing great has ever come out of a comfort zone.
I mean, you have to get a hobby and cowboy up and talk to people. It doesn’t just fall in most people’s laps.
Introversion means drawing one’s mental energy from within rather than from other people. This can actually be a great strength because as introverts if we’re not getting the result we want or enjoying a particular conversation, person, group, or place, we can just be like “i’m out of here, going somewhere else” and we don’t feel a sudden drain on energy like extroverts do. Introverts, in my experience, are often actually much more confident than extroverts. Extroverts are often better at faking it, but introverts, because they draw strength from within, can be hellah confident and downright intimidating/impressive to extroverts. As an introvert, I’ve learned to focus on the aspects of social environments that I do enjoy (e.g. pretty lights, enjoyable decorations, artwork, fashionable outfits, etc.) and then add onto that meeting people. So, small talk can be very boring, but it can also be fun when guided by my own efforts, by focusing on things I find funny, silly banter, flirtation, etc. in my case. Whatever you enjoy in conversations, devise ways (questions to ask) to move the conversation in that direction. This American Life did an enjoyable piece on what they called “[the rundown](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/231/time-to-save-the-world/act-one-0)” which is the opposite of small talk, rather than carrying on a superficial conversation about boring stuff, “the rundown” asks uncommon follow up questions that drill down into the person, what makes them tick, etc.
Additionally, when it comes to dating, I have found that a great way to get to know someone better in a meaningful way is to ask questions about how the other person FEELs about whatever the conversation is about. Getting into their feelings, motivations, hopes, dreams, hangups, etc. can be very interesting and very connecting. If you haven’t already, study psychology, listen to therapists on youtube (e.g. Katie Morton, Kirk Honda) and learn about the different kinds of personalities, attachment styles, etc. Then when meeting people you can see those dynamics play out in real life with them providing entertaining stories. If there’s no obvious way to start, ask them about tattoos. A permanent inking of the body reveals a lot about a person. If they don’t have any, ask what they would get and why.
Try pickleball. It allows you to interact with people without long conversations. Perfect interaction for introverts