I (F26) had this bully turned friend (F26) who could only talk about boys. She was insanely popular with them and I wasn’t. And she made sure I knew that. She kept bragging about her popularity to me and I developed a real complex thinking no one will ever love me (in her bully era, she actually said that to me). Every single conversation I ever had with her ended up with her talking about they guys that are interested in her. I understand that talking about boys in your teenage years is normal, but I became sick of it very soon. Even after we left for different colleges she called me every now and then and she always turned the subject to her romantic relationships. It always felt like she was competing with me and tried to show me that she really was more loveable than me. Even a day after my dad died she called me and after offering her condolances joyfuly told me that she got married and the wedding details. After a few months she tried to contact me again but I finally told her to leave me alone. I told her that I could not care less about her love life a day after my dad died. She is the kind of person that always responded with: “Oh, are you jealous? I know you are.” I’m afraid she’ll do the same now, but she’ll tell that to everyone else. She always knew how to make me seem like the bad one.
How do I stop this cycle of her influence on me? How do I stop believing that I am unlovable?
TL;DR: My bully turned friend kept convincing me that I am unlovable. She tried to convince me of that even during the most tragic days of my life.
Edit: Thank you all for your support!!
9 comments
> bully turned friend
She was always your bully. She just changed up how she did things.
Why does she deserve to have this much power over your life?
Block her and move on with your life. It sounds like you are getting nothing from this “friendship”. If a “friend” gives you nothing but bad feelings, then there is nothing to the friendship. You can choose your friends and I would unchoose her.
Cut her out of your life and don’t think twice about her. Focus on the present, this person isn’t in your life anymore.
Block her off everything. Delete her number. She is no friend. I’m so sorry about your dad x
>I’m afraid she’ll do the same now, but she’ll tell that to everyone else. She always knew how to make me seem like the bad one.
Maybe everyone else is more aware of it than you think. Smart people tend to stay away from those who only complain about others, especially when they say it’s because of “jealousy”.
You broke off the friendship, so don’t sweat it. Ignore her and she’ll get bored of you eventually when she finds another victim to pester.
>How do I stop this cycle of her influence on me? How do I stop believing that I am unlovable?
Why do you feel like her opinion is worth giving another second of your time to? What makes you think that _she_, of all the people on this planet, is the one whose standards you should be measuring your self worth by? Really now.
This isn’t a friend, she’s still your bully. Cut her out of your life and don’t look back, literally go block her on every platform
You’re way too old to be putting up with this kind of behavior. Please choose better for yourself this person isn’t your friend. At all.
I was stuck in a friendship with my so-called best friend for a LONG time of my life and even though I truly saw how well we got along and blah blah blah it was a TOXIC friendship. Just like yours, red flags all over & the only answer that I’ll never regret is to cut her off. I changed phone numbers and moved which I know is a bit radical but if that’s what it takes to create some hope and inspiration and creativity in your life, then do it! You are loveable and you are beautiful and you just need to surround yourself with people who make you feel just like that! All the best!
Hey Op, why does she get so much power over your life?
Are you both still in the same friendship groups, do your other friends treat you similarly?
If so then you don’t have good friends just a bigger group of bullies.
Do you have friends and a life outside of her? She’s not your neighbor anymore, she can’t come over or treat you badly without your permission.
May your father’s memory be a blessing. I agree with the others, block her on everything. She can’t have power if you deny her access.
Also any friends OP, that say you’re the problem, they’re the problem. Especially if that’s their response after what she said to you when your father passed.
She’s an empty person who only feels worth when she tears other people down.
I don’t know if you have access to therapy OP, but if you can I suggest it. For your grief as well as why you believe you deserve bullies instead of friends.
You deserve so much goodness OP.