So me (21F) and this guy (23M) have been talking for about a month now. We went to high school together and we recently reached out to each other. We have seen each other almost everyday for the past month lol and its been great. We went out on dates, watched movies, etc. And he also does little sweet things like brings me flowers for no reason which I really enjoy. He talks about how much he likes me and its always smiles and good vibes.
I have been single for about 3 years now and he says he’s never been a serious relationship. Our goals, values, and mindsets seem to align, and we like what both of us have going for ourselves (Im in school for engineering and he works a pretty good job). And I know its just the “honeymoon phase” but I really think it could get somewhere. I haven’t had many people catch my attention like this. And though many have tried, i haven’t really been interested in anyone in literally 3 years. So me liking him is really a surprise. I wasn’t sure what he wanted so we discussed it, and we both seem to want something serious but I did leave something out.
I didn’t think it would be a big deal and I also didn’t know how to say it, but that part I left out may have came back to haunt me. I recently told him I’m abstinent and I dont know how he feels about it. I told him about three or four days ago and initially when I said something he was under the influence and just kept wanting to know why. I didn’t expect that response. Since then I have gotten less calls but it’s the holidays so I took it as him being busy but he normally calls me when he’s at work. He has asked me to come over and has brought me flowers since then, but im not sure if the energy is off or im just in my head. Im big on communication and I told him I understand if he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, but he claims thats not the case (I did hear him say something about being friends in a hypothetical conversation about two days later, and asked if thats what he wanted and he said no). I really like him and what to be more than friends and I dont know what to do.
1 comment
You need to have an open conversation with him about this to determine if you’re compatible in the long term. Not just mentioning it when he’s drunk or as part of a hypothetical conversation or by trying to interpret his behavior. Just sit down and talk about what this means for you and what you want/can offer from a relationship. Here’s an example:
“I’ve told you that I’m celibate and want to make sure you understand what that means so you can make a fully informed decision about our future together. I don’t ever want to get married or have sex. I also don’t want to have children. I’m looking for a committed, long term, monogamous romantic partner. I would not be comfortable with my partner having sex outside the relationship. I’m happy to answer any questions you have about my choices, and then I’d like to give you a week to think about whether you want to continue dating knowing what I can offer you long term, or if you’d rather continue our friendship platonically.”