My [29F] husband [34M] and I are having his friends over for new year’s tonight. They’re all smokers (and as am I) but I’ve always had a no smoking inside policy. Apparently my husband had told them that they could smoke in our house all night without consulting with me. They all smoke inside their houses but didn’t want to host so we’re hosting. It’s pretty cold here too so we won’t really be able to leave the windows open. He can’t tell them not to now, because they won’t attend if that’s the case. Should I just let it go for tonight?
Tldr: husband told his friends they could smoke in the house for ny. This is a no smoking inside household. Am I being unreasonable not wanting anyone to smoke in the house?
43 comments
Your husband is an asshole.
I realise that doesn’t help with your current problem, sorry.
There can be no compromise. You say no and you stick to it. Opening the windows would make no difference. Even after one night the smoky smell will last for weeks. And you just know someone will burn a small hole in something. They can smoke outside or not attend.
BTW your husband is a massive arse for doing this to you.
As a smoker, fuuuuck that. “Sorry everyone, I know that he told you it was fine but I am not cool with my house smelling like stale cigarettes for the next few days. Please smoke outside this evening.” To every single person who walks through that door of yours.
EW! This is an absolutely no-go for me. Very uncool of your husband to tell them they could smoke inside!!? He fucked up, so he needs to be the one to tell them that he was mistaken and enforce that all smokers go outside to light up. You step in if necessary. I would personally maintain a HARD line on this – your nose will thank you tomorrow. Good luck!
I mean, 1 night of smoking inside won’t ruin anything, but the fact “friends”won’t come over unless they can, and the fact your husband didn’t consult you is ridiculous.
They won’t come if they can’t smoke inside, perfect, your husband can go with them at wherever they’re moving the party.
Smoking cigarettes or weed? Weed will go away the next day once you just open your windows. Cigarettes will linger. Your call…. But yeah your husband wasn’t being considerate….
I’m a smoker and 🤢 no, do you remember being young and going into a smokers house? That shit stays on your walls and smells so bad. Want your house to smell like an asstray then by all means…
I would tell my husband to re update everyone coming over.
Ask him to cover a hotel for the night, just for you to sleep in a healthy environment. Or couch treatment for week.
No it will make everything stink something fierce
If they won’t attend because they can’t smoke inside they are shitty friends
Why would you compromise on that?
“Sorry that my husband said you could smoke inside, but he said that without asking me. You can smoke on the patio.”
Is there like one room in the house like upstairs or in the back with windows on each side to ventilate, that you can “sacrifice” and avoid for a while? Confine it to the kitchen with the vent fan on? Because if you do this it’s going to take a long time to get the smell out of whatever room. I would definitely not let them smoke all over. Burns and ash in fabric is forever.
Are we talking weed or cigarettes?
Assuming you mean nicotine: Your husband needs to be the one to text everyone and say: “Sorry all. I know I said you could all smoke in our home. That was an error on my part and you will not actually be able to smoke in the home. I had not thought through the implications before I thoughtlessly offered that and should not have promised you could. I understand if you are frustrated with me. It was inconsiderate of me. There will be an area set up for smoking breaks outside [insert information about that area such as: with a bonfire on our patio or on our unheated porch] so you may want to bring warm clothing.”
He also should be the one to set up whatever smoking area makes sense where you live. Which might mean running out to buy an outdoor heater or bonfire equipment today, hanging up signs, etc. *and* he needs to be responsible for telling each and every guest who tries to light up and stopping them. Which means that he should ensure he remains sober enough to do so.
If they chose not to attend because they have to go outside to smoke, that’s no one’s fault but his own.
If you mean weed: I’d allow it and task him with the clean up. I’d also make him provide alternatives to smoking (edibles or tincture, for instance, if he can access them today) and set up an area that is comfy and conducive to smoking to try to contain it to one room.
Hell no. Just tell them he wasn’t thinking and they have to go outside.
Asshole and asshole friends for not insisting that smoking indoors is fucking stupid.
Birds of a Shit feather.
Tell him they can smoke inside IF he first, before the party, gives you money for new couch, chairs, beds, bedding, clothing, carpet, drapes and a new paint job on all the walls and ceilings.
If he doesn’t have the money, he doesn’t get to trash your place. Send a message, no smoking inside. Someone else will host or they can still come to yours and smoke outside.
I’m not a smoker, but most people I know who smoke would rather be in a smoke free environment when they aren’t actively smoking. Though if everyone smokes in their own houses I could see this not being the case for them…
It was rough before the indoor smoking ban happened years ago. I hated going out and having my to wash my jacket or sweater or whatever I was wearing because it stank of cigarettes afterwards. Things that were otherwise not dirty and had to be dry cleaned. I can only imagine having a whole house, without commercial ventilation, packed with smokers. Especially if it’s cold enough that you don’t want windows open…
I’d text them and tell them there’s been a miscommunication and they will not be permitted to smoke in your home. If they don’t come, too bad. Your husband needs to experience consequences for his actions or he’ll think this is fine for him to do. If you let a bunch of people smoke in your house all night, it will be hell to clean.
Fuck that. I smoked for 18 years (quit 2 and a half years ago!) and I would fucking never smoke inside my house or allow someone else to. That’s fucking nasty.
It is completely reasonable to not want anyone to smoke inside your household. Smoking inside a home can expose the people who live there and any visitors to harmful secondhand smoke, which can cause serious health problems, including heart disease and lung cancer. In addition, smoking inside can create unpleasant odors and may damage furniture, walls, and other household items.
If your husband has invited his friends to smoke inside the house, it would be appropriate to communicate your concerns and request that they respect your wishes and refrain from smoking inside. It’s important to set boundaries and make sure that your home is a safe and healthy environment for everyone. If your husband is unwilling to support your request, it may be necessary to have a more serious conversation about the issue and the impact it is having on your relationship.
YOU can tell them not to. The smell will linger forever and nothings worse than stale cigarette smell. If his friends are so inconvenienced that they can’t smoke inside then they can go elsewhere. Also your husband is a jerk for not even telling you.
Do you have a garage people could smoke in? I know Costco sells those outdoor heaters for like $150, might make smoking outside more tolerable?
If we are talking about weed I’d say let it go. Even with the windows closed it will likely not smell at all by morning with 0 effort expended on your part. If we are talking cigarettes the answer is hell no. That shit will smell like an ash trey for weeks.
Google third hand smoke. Then tell your husband he’s an asshole and an ignorant idiot. Don’t allow smoking inside at all, anywhere. Even aired out, those chemicals are going to seep into every single pourus surface, and settle in the dust.
My FIL smokes inside his house. Neither me or my two kids step foot inside because of that. Doesn’t matter if he aired it our and didn’t smoke all week inside, the air is toxic. Every surface covered in cancer causing chemicals. Being breathed in and on the food. Disgusting. We let my daughter choose when she was old enough to understand, she was 8 or 9. She wanted to see her cousins. She was there for an hour and no one smoked inside that day. She came home and just from being in the house, she smelt like someone had been smoking and blowing it on her. Her hair, skin and clothes all stunk. Just from being in that house for an hour. Can you imagine the chemicals seeped into the food if the air is that toxic just to be in??
There is zero compromise here.
I would not compromise on this. 1 night of fun will leave the house smelling like smoke for days or weeks if not permanently stain things. I don’t care what my partner has promised, it’s my house too so I would tell all friends sorry but they have to smoke outside. That’s just me
If you want to smooth things over, you could make a nice little place outside for them to smoke. Put an ashtray and a candy bowl. It’s not necessary but it could make things less awkward for the guests
As both of your friends they should just know. And wtf it’s 2023… who smokes let alone inside??
Do you have a garage? If so smoke in there with the door opened.
Even when I was still a smoker I respected all my friends’ house rules around smoking. Now as an ex smoker I gotta say do _not_ let them smoke inside. I let my mum do this last year for Christmas, bc she’s got rheuma, I’m on the 3rd floor, and despite her best efforts the smell clung to _everything_. There’s no compromising to smoking inside, one no means no smoking inside.
There is no compromise here. Your house, your rules.
I don’t understand why they wouldn’t show up for that reason alone. As a smoker I rather smoke outside of others’ homes, and even then, I feel guilty.
>Apparently my husband had told them that they could smoke in our house all night without consulting with me.
How often does he pull that shit?
He needs to send them a text, telling them that he fucked up, that he made a decision without consulting you and there is no smoking in the house. If they don’t want to come, great! They are shitty friends anyway. The gum and patches exist if they’re actually so addicted that they can’t either go without a cigarette for a few hours or brave the cold themselves to step outside.
But, seriously, look at your marriage. How often does he act without consulting you, or put others over you?
People who won’t attend because they’re not allowed to smoke inside are worthless as friends.
sure, just tell them they have to come back tomorrow to wash all the walls, curtains, ceilings, all furniture fabric and wood and shampoo all the carpets
That is some disrespect by you and his friends. Why don’t they go smoke in their vehicles then?
As a smoker I don’t even smoke in peoples houses if they are. Just can’t do it
If it was weed I get it, I’m guilty cuz I live in mn and it’s winter here. But I use a laundry sheet or a smoke buddy. CIGS? Gross. Trashy, yeah they need to smoke outside. Nic smell makes me hurl
So we talking about smoking weed ?
If his friends are immature enough to not turn up because they can’t smoke inside, sounds like he needs better friends… I’d honestly just tell them to smoke outside or leave, because it’s your house
If you have a garage or a back porch or something, that would be better. Or whichever room can be closed to the rest of the house but has the least fabric/rugs.
Or, tell husband he can go get activated charcoal and white vinegar and clean every rug, upholstery, sheet, blanket and towel that was exposed to smoke. Or he pays a pro to come in and steam clean.
Small sacrifice from both sides of the relationship is part of continuing courting not in agreement or disagreement it’s just not that big a deal Ethier way especially if it will make him happy one day out of the year…
>He can’t tell them not to now, because they won’t attend if that’s the case.
WTF? It’s your home too!
It would be some crazy fucked up dynamic if he was the only one who got to call the shots on what happens in the home you both live in. You are perfectly entitled to tell guests that there has been a miscommunication, that they can’t smoke inside the house, and if that’s a problem they can leave.
If you don’t have the agency to do that in your own home, then you need to take a good hard look at the dynamics of your relationship.