As the title says… He doesn’t not like going down on a woman he just doesn’t know how. I have no idea how to teach a man to go down on someone. I’ve tried to be very nice about it, and give him some pointers. I can just tell he is embarrassed or uncomfortable maybe not 100% confident in what he is doing and just doesn’t want to continue. It would be hard for me to not have this in my sex life, I get aroused much easier when this is included. Just not sure how to go about it.
If this was a previous thread please delete it, I wasn’t able to find a similar thread, apologies in advance. Any tips/thoughts are welcomed, please be kind.
EDIT: Took out joke, did not go over well.
11 comments
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Find some porn y’all can watch together where that’s the focus.
“Doesn’t know how to do it” is such a dumb excuse for him to give. Does he not watch porn, has he never watched porn, or is he just entirely unaware of how his mouth and tongue work?
I believe he’s not gone down on a woman, I don’t believe it’s because he doesn’t know how.
It’s called weaponized incompetence. He doesn’t want to do something so he pretends to either be very bad at it or completely unable to perform the task so he stops getting asked to do it.
This kind of reasoning would never fly if the roles were reversed. Have we ever seen stories here of a woman who “doesn’t know how” to suck a dick that wasn’t immediately told to just go for it and learn with experience.
He’s never going to learn if he doesn’t do it and he never has to do it because he gets to say “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
As a guy who was learning about this stuff with a girlfriend that also had 0 experience I can tell you it isn’t easy especially since we can’t really see what we are doing there.
I guess trial and error but keep encouraging him and tell him when he is doing something right at the monet he is doing it because he won’t remember it later lol. Also at least use simple commands like “slower/faster/stop/higher/lower”. Man are relatively simple creatures with simple motivations haha. If you talk with him about this tell him how hot it is to watch you cum while he is between your legs.
On the one hand, google is free, he can literally google tips and guides on how to do this.
On the other hand, I’m wondering if he’s a bit of a perfectionist or a procrastinator? This can be a thing with people who avoid taking on tasks they’re afraid they’ll be bad at.
Anyway, the sub FAQ has links to guides on oral sex you can link him to.
I would imagine the real reason is that he has some aversion to it, otherwise he would’ve used Google and found the plethora of resources. Or if nothing else, just experimented. That’s what I did back in the Pleistocene era when I was getting started on my sexual journey in the early 1970s, before Google existed.
Somehow I got trained by my partners, despite having no access to video or Internet, or even the social awareness that it was a necessary thing. All my friends thought I was some kind of pervert for wanting to do it at the time.
Nina Hartley has excellent instructional videos, and is on the hub and many other sites for free.
There is an excellent book called “she comes first”, which goes to into excruciating detail for very long cunnilingus sessions, which could probably raise the dead. If I went that long and that hard on my wife, she would probably be unconscious. 😜
Does he feel safe in telling you what his reasons are? Do you have an open enough communication path with him that you can give him clear, direct instructions? And is he willing to learn?
Best of luck with this. There are plenty of men who just love to give their partners pleasure via oral sex, and I am always surprised when I read about one who doesn’t.
How is a guy expected to ‘learn’ these things if his gf doesn’t even know how to start? Suggestion…take a shower together, make sure the mood is light, and then simply…oh, I don’t know…GUIDE him to where he should be to include some directions etc.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way…
If he wanted to learn, there’s an abundance of material online. He could easily research this topic. The fact that he hasn’t shows he’s not willing nor interested in learning at all. Actions over words always.
Find a good porn that shows how you’d like him to start. Watch it together. Sexy Talk through it. “That looks hot how he’s slowly/softly/quickly/whatever licking her clit.”
Talk him through it with simple soft instructions. Any guy would be fool not to learn how to get the lady off to the moon….
And every woman is different, so better learn how to talk all about yummy details .
Dump him
Any guy who hasn’t is a pos