Hey folk, recently had my very first tinder date since my last relationship and I think I could need some help to decipher something.
I met this girl on Tinder and we quickly had veeeeery nice, funny, intersting conversations (by text). Honestly, I’ve been 6 months on tinder (maybe not always actively) and she has been the only one with whom I really felt a connection by texting. After 2 weeks and half of texting every day we had our first date – both our agenda’s were pretty full so that’s why it wasn’t earlier. We had a great first date! Quickly after (5 days) we had our second one. Of course in the meantime we kept texting (still everyday, really felt like I was back in my 16’s) and still had fun and nice conversations. Second date went so good too, we both did the move to kiss each other and she said it felt amazing. Afterwards we still kept texting, planned a third date (coffee date this time) 10 days after the second one. However like 5 days before the third one I felt a little difference in her way of texting, a little less enthusiastic I would say (it was during the Christmas days so she could just have been very busy).
2 days before the coffee-date she cancelled and said she didn’t really had the energy to. She said her last days were quite tiring and she has a lot of work to do and above that she has exams for her studies. The day after, I asked her what she thought of us, if there was a possibility of a third date once she had more time or if she wasn’t really feeling it anymore.
She answered following (translated so maybe not that accurate xp):
>“I really had two great evenings with you, so I don’t want to write it off or anything either. But I’m just drowning in work right now and Christmas days are really my least favourite days of the year (she has quite some family issues). So I just don’t see myself dating anyone right now.
>
>Maybe I will think differently about it in one or two weeks, when those days are gone I when I’ll be myself again. But I don’t want to give you the feeling that I keep you on the hook.”
Now we haven’t texted for few days as I wanted to give her some space. I know, I only had two dates with here so not that of a big deal but I still have a feeling that I really miss her.. I saw a huge potential in her, she was 200% my type, same interests, awesome conversations etc. I don’t have a lot of self-confidence due to past experience and I always overthink everything. For example: is it true, or is she just dating someone else in the meantime; did she really liked the dates; if she liked the dates that much, why would should take the risk of letting me go.
What are your thoughts of this? 😊
4 comments
This is basically a brush off. She is trying not to hurt your feelings, but move on.
Sometimes, the potential we see and the feeling that the other is your type is a one sided thing. I see that all the time where one person felt everything was amazing and going so well and then feel blindsided when the other breaks it off. Ive had plenty of girls tell me they had amazing times with me, but didn’t see themselves dating me. That just happens sometimes. I had that with one of my ex’s as well where I had some really fun times with her and the dates were great, but something was just off about the chemistry to me and I wasn’t feeling anything serious with her. I ended up telling her I saw us only as friends.
What I would do here is back off and give her space. If it’s truly the case where work is weighing her down and she is going through some things due to Christmas, then she will come back when she’s ready. If she truly isn’t ready to date, then move on or be prepared to stay friends.
My thoughts are that she was being honest with you. She is utterly overwhelmed and can’t be the person you want her to be (engaging, charming, flirty, thoughtful, etc). She is willing to risk “letting you go” because (1) she’s secure in herself and knows she’ll be ok whatever the outcome (2) she doesn’t know you that well so it’s hard to put a real value on you in terms of gain or loss.
You need to show her that you can make this about HER and not about you. You can do this by giving her the space she asked for and checking in with her maybe every three or four days (consider this next part underlined, bold, and highlighted) to send her encouragement. Do not try to find out if she’s still interested (that’s making it about you and your insecurity, friend). Just send her encouraging memes or self written notes of “you got this! I’m cheering for you!”
To those who are saying she is letting me down, why do you think this (serieus question). I literally asked her this
>I just came to sound out how you still think about it. do you think once you have a bit more time after all your deadlines and exams a date is still in the cards? Or have you effectively lost interest in it in the meantime?
So if she really is letting me down, why wouldn’t she tell her as literally asked it. We know each other for like only 1 month where we intensively texted but only saw each other 2 times. Why wouldn’t she tell the truth? I mean: am I so naive when trying to understand what women wants to say?