So a few days ago I was with a group of people I barely knew and most of them were a lot older than me. Most of them were really social and loud so for a shy person like me who is scared to say the wrong things and finds it hard to think of something worth saying, it was really hard. I have a hard time coming up with a story because I find it hard to feel at ease with people, scared that they will judge me. And even when I think of something to say, I’m too scared to say something in front of such a big group, because they might ignore me or think what I say is weird. I only feel at ease when they really try to make me part of the conversation by asking questions or by just looking at me when they talk.
I just want them to think, wow she really is a nice person to be with. And I feel like the only way to achieve that is by being less silent and more part of the conversation by making some jokes and telling some stories.
If you’re reading this I would relaly appreciate some tips or tricks to get on the right track. It would help me a lot.
2 comments
>I just want them to think, wow she really is a nice person to be with. And I feel like the only way to achieve that is by being less silent
So the good news is, because most people are self-centered to a large extent this is easily achieved by just making them feel good about the things they talk about it. Be an actively listener. Laugh at their jokes. Be expressive with your hands and your face and your voice reacting to their stories. Be genuinely interested in what they have to say. (This might include steering the conversation to the Venn overlap between the topic they’re talking about and your interest.) People will love to have you around without you making any jokes or telling any stories yourself. Just be less silent when they talk.
>I have a hard time coming up with a story because I find it hard to feel at ease with people, scared that they will judge me. And even when I think of something to say, I’m too scared to say something in front of such a big group, because they might ignore me or think what I say is weird.
The next step is to develop the mindset that everything you do, everything you say, is primarily for your own entertainment. You are out there to have a good time and enjoy yourself. You say things because you find them funny/interesting. If others are not interesting in a topic you bring up, no problem just don’t continue with it. If others find you weird, no problem you are weird in that regard and you love that aspect of yourself. Everybody has their own weirdness. You will not click with everyone and that’s okay.
Paradoxically when you try to entertain others it will be less effective than when you’re entertaining yourself, because that’s when your genuine and happy and people will be drawn to that.
A person gets better at talking in group conversations by talking in group conversations.
Can you find a group that *you* wouldn’t care whether they judge you or think what you say is weird? With that group you can try saying things in front of to build a habit of saying things out loud. This will help you build up the courage to speak to other groups.
Another option is to work on self-acceptance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3fIZuW9P_M . Then you will focus on your experience – whether you enjoy the company of the group, rather than what they may think or not think about you.
HTH LMK 🙂