This is so pathetic, but here it goes. I’ll be 30 in 3 months, and have no friends, so I spend every New Year’s with my parents (and I still live at home. I’d actually like to try moving out and having my own place, but it actually is really expensive, so there’s that). I’ve always been okay with how I spend my New Year’s, but this year was different.
Generally, I’m a homebody content with my own company, but last night was the most alone I’ve ever felt on New Year’s Eve. My brother and his wife went out to a party, while my mom and I babysat my brother’s 3 young kids (my dad fell asleep, but that’s typical because he hasn’t stayed up in years and wakes up to open the bottle at midnight).
Once the kids were finally asleep and my phone died, I had nothing left to do but watch TV. As I sat there watching the parties on TV, I actually started crying. My mom asked what was wrong and I told her how this was the most alone I’ve ever felt on New Year’s, even if I really wasn’t, that I should have friends, and be out at places like that (on TV). I was pretty much told that only I could do it, and I know she’s right, but it obviously didn’t make me feel any better. I was considering therapy because I’m certain I have social anxiety, but I don’t want to resort to meds and therapy is expensive. She thinks I can change my life without all that, and she may be right, but I don’t even know how.
SO MY QUESTION IS: how do I even start to put myself out there and make friends? I’ve already read that going to the same place consistently is one way, but I work a lot and don’t really have hobbies (I start a lot of things and get bored).
Please help, and don’t make me feel any worse than I do. I just need a big life change and don’t want to spend my next New Year alone.
3 comments
Have you tried creative hobbies? Sometimes a hobby is boring until you start to get good at it which requires a lot of practice. When I wanted to be a writer, bringing myself to write everyday was a pain. Now that I have some skill, I love it. As for meeting friends, you could try joining a variety of Meetup Groups, go to concerts and strike up conversations, or groups where people are doing the same thing. For instance, there is a kickboxing place near my house I’ve been wanting to try that has people. There are also Yoga gatherings. The library is a good place to find people. Then strike up conversations and exchange phone numbers to get coffee later or hang out.
Getting your own place will definitely help push you towards these things.
I’d say start by chatting with people online. Whether or not that turns into friendships, it’s a good place to start as messaging is, at least in my experience, less of a hurdle than conversing in real life. So as a first step, try chatting online, on Reddit or other sites.
And yeah, as Puzzleheaded said: getting your own place will also change your life. I don’t know where you live, but as a first step, even a cheap, small rented room in someone else’s house will do.
Move out! You need to shake up your life and truly *challenge* yourself or else you’ll keep getting what you’ve been getting. Get a roommate to cut expenses and also automatically get 1 potential friend.
Also, get therapy and read self help books. Read Jordan Peterson’s “12 rules for life”. Don’t take pills.