I (22, F) would love to connect with my boyfriend (24) more through social activites and stuff but I seem to be scared.
His friends arranged a huge NYE party (around 40+ ppl) and my boyfriend is going. He told me about this party a month ago and has invited me of course – he always does with social activities which involve his friends but I punctually decline –.
I didn’t say much, I was like “yeah I’ll think about it”, like I always do. A week ago or smth I told him I wasn’t coming. But one night, probably because I didn’t want to feel like a loser I guess, I texted him “I think I want to come”. Thing is, I’ve been feeling super down today, probably because I knew I’d have cancelled at some point – plus, NYE makes me incredibly depressed and I’ve never celebrated it –, and told him I didn’t feel like coming.
He told me a thousand times his friends like me and that they wish they could get to know me better but I just can’t get through with all of this.
I am super scared of being weirdly silent or being unable to fit into conversations (that has happened before with his friends and I can’t bear it). We’ve been together for 3 years and haven’t made memories with other people because I refuse to.
Why am I like this?
1 comment
maybe the past unpleasent experience with friends plus the thought that you must try hard to fit in if you go.
That’s what you said and you know what? When I try to walk in your shoes your feeling kinda makes sense.