I have wanted friends for a long time but I struggle with socializing. The common advice is to find a group related to your hobby, but for me it has problems.
I feel like I’m not as into stuff as other people are. I have some hobbies, but whenever I look for a group related to that hobby, I feel like everyone is very intense. For example, let’s say I look for a group that likes a band. While I casually enjoy it, the other people know every song, have been to concerts, know everything about the band members, they live and breathe their music, etc. It is so hard to keep a conversation going because I don’t know what to say or do.
A lot of times I get left behind in conversations because they are talking about a specific thing and I can’t keep up. It feels like I don’t belong there.
I want to meet new people but I don’t like sorting by hobby because I feel so out of place with something I should be comfortable and happy with. It is frustrating and I don’t know what to do.
4 comments
Your username might be why people won’t talk with you 😭.
Seriously though, not everyone is obsessive. Hobbies are for yourself and they should be fun and taken at your own pace, not competitive and something for you to be stressed out about.
You could just try to find groups that are focused around activities. For example, a board game group, hiking group, conversation group, etc. You’ll still run into some intense people, but at least you’ll have things to do.
Maybe you enjoy different aspects of that interest or the experiences are different so the conversation could be really too specific just like what you said. A conversation like that is too hard to sustain, right? You can expand the connection and try to look for another common interests instead. Then maybe relate those with one another.
But sometimes, looking for a common interest is too hard so I force it 😆 When you meet someone who seems to be enthusiastic with another thing, maybe try that. I start with groups to look for a potential friend, and when I see one, I would watch their favorite movie and listen to their fav artists — forced common interests. This way, you do not need to be too intense on that specific hobby because you are ‘just starting’.
It’s important to realize that when you can share the same interest with someone, it doesn’t mean you share the same LEVEL of interest (or knowledge). And it’s totally normal and common.
Like you, I actually THOUGHT that just by joining a club, I’d able to freely and happily discuss my hobby.
In my case, I love martial art (Muay Thai). I’m serious enough to push myself hard during the training why me fellow club mates tend to take it easy when they are tired. However, I’m not interest in Muay Thai enough to keep up with who’s fighting with who, what are the biggest tournaments, what are the current big names in each weight class…
Fortunately, I can still bond with other via other means (chit chatting about different topics, telling jokes, fooling around…). Secondly, if my level is not on par with others, I’d just simply talk about details I’m comfortable to discuss: Like struggle with training flexibility, how I had a hard time striking while I can’t feel my leg…