Does anyone think that the reason divorce is so common isn’t necessarily because people grow apart or fall out of love or don’t both equally put in the effort to save the relationship, but instead didn’t fully know each other when they decided to get married? I’m not sure if I’m explaining this right but I’m also not sure how else to explain it. There’s the obvious ones, such as not discussing in depth the things that are important, like how the finances will be handled or politics or religion or something, but then there’s also ignoring red flags and hoping they’ll fix themselves down the line. Just wondering what other people with open minds think about this.
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I do think that sone people grow apart and change. And there are plenty of oeopke who break up due to infidelity or their partner’s choices. Sometimes people change. And sometimes there are things that we dont learn sboutviur partner until we have kids or until some other life changing circumstances come up.
BUT I have also noticed many “relationship” subreddit posts where the couple are already miserable as a newly married couple and were clearly never compatible to begin with – whether ITV’s their libidos or arguing about exes or their parents or having disagreements on whether to have kids or where to live. Some people forgive cheating partners or forgive all manner of hurtful behaviour…but eventually leave years later when it doesn’t stop.
There are many cases where people actively choose to stay in unfulfilling relationships or get married due to social pressure or a hope that “things will work out” once they marry. I am not surprised that many such people will divorce.
You’ve also got to remember that abuse is a real thing and people sometimes stay in unhealthy situations for a long time.
I think people get caught up in the romance of the honeymoon period and dont do basic introspection to analyze if their partner is a good life partner or just a good date or some simply arent old enough to know what they want long term beyond basics.
I think falling out of love or growing incompatible are both common reasons, but I agree with you that some people divorce because they kept things from each other before marriage.
A lot of people seem to view dating as a game where you hide the worst parts of yourself until after marriage, at which point it becomes more expensive and time consuming for a partner to break up with you, so you figure you can get away with being shitty more.
People change with age.
It goes with modern culture and our throw away society. People tend to just move on, instead of working through difficulties.
I think it’s a mix of it all and something I’m currently struggling with, unfortunately.
I knew he was cheating but I hoped he would change. I hoped against hope. I thought if I was thinner, more fit, hair blonder, naked, more cookies, packed better lunches, was friendlier to his (horrible witch) mother, gave him the children he wanted… none of it mattered. HE left me. For his mistress. It didn’t work out in the end but he left me. After all of it I learnt that divorce was WAY easier. And much better for me. Much, much better. I am so much happier now with a REAL MAN who respects me and fucks me better with a huge dick. Why on earth did I stay married to that douche bag for so long????????