TL;DR: My Boyfriend pays less and less attention to me after reconnecting with an old friend.
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Hey everyone,
I’m really hoping to get some advice or perspective on my current situation. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about nine months now, and things have been really rough lately. Ever since he started playing overwatch with his childhood friend, our relationship has been going downhill.
There initially wasn’t a problem with him gaming with his friend, we have always encouraged each other to keep spending time with friends. But when he stopped responding to me for hours at a time because he was so busy with her, I started getting jealous. I play overwatch as well and when I asked him if I could join them he got all defensive and weird, telling me I shouldn’t meddle with his friendships (we have game nights with friends all the time).
After gaming with her for a few weeks, our relationship took a turn for the worse. He is constantly texting her or gaming with her, he barely speaks to me anymore, and I feel like he’s not making an effort to communicate or spend time with me. I’ve been getting the feeling that he might be cheating on me. I don’t have any concrete evidence, but there have been some red flags that I just can’t ignore.
I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he just gets defensive and denies anything is wrong. I’m at my wit’s end and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to just break up with him as our relationship used to bring me so much joy, but at the same time, I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m not being treated right.
Has anyone else gone through something similar? I could really use some advice or words of encouragement right now. Thank you.
Also, I wrote this on a throwaway because I know he is also on Reddit and he probably knows my normal account.
13 comments
How long do you plan to tolerate this?
>I don’t want to just break up with him as our relationship used to bring me so much joy, but at the same time, I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m not being treated right.
Have you told him that his behavior has you doubting the relationship? I know you’ve been clear that you’re not trying to derail his friendship with F27, so don’t let him try to force the conversation down that path.
You might try asking him, “Do you want to continue our relationship!” If he says yes, ask why. Pay close attention to his answer. From the sound of things, he’s at least emotionally cheating on you.
He’s neglecting you, potentially cheating and is disregarding your feelings. He’s showing you what (or who) is more important.
It’s probably time to move on.
End this farce. Date people in real life where text messages and overwatch aren’t the bedrock of your relationship.
You sure his “friend” knows he’s in a relationship?
You are no longer a priority. He has a thing for her but Yet——Still keeps you around. Why? In case it doesn’t pan out with Her, He still has you around. You are being mistreated and disrespected and it is not fair. It will only get worse. he is Cheating you and Yes—–May be cheating physically to so why stick around and look like a fool? I do not trust them.
What’s wrong with your partner’s relationship with the old friend?
When you say how you feel, how does he dismiss how you feel? What does he say? What do you say?
It sounds like he’s drifting away. You might not have a choice over whether you break up or not. Despite his denial, I would not be surprised if he decides to break up with you sometime in the next weeks.
I’m sorry but it sounds like emotional cheating. I would leave! You deserve a guy who actually pays attention to you (at a bare minimum). Imagine the person you want to be – your ideal self. What would she do in this situation? Do that! (And contact that girl and tell her he had a girlfriend! She might not know…)
By writing this in here, I’m going to assume your intuition and gut are already telling you what the reality is, you’re asking us to confirm.
If I was in this situation, it will be spoken about today.
My expectations of my relationships is that I’m priority when it’s our time. Another girl hustling in on my time with my bf, is not negotiable. And if the bf thinks it’s ok, then the relationship isn’t going to continue with me.
I’m also a believer in individual time, playing games with other people in their time is their business, as long as it isn’t hitting the realm of ‘cheating’ and that for me, is as little as flirting while gaming and texting/talking. And by already being a gamer, you know how this goes down I’m sure.
He seems quite immature, this reconnection sounds like it’s the novelty child ‘I’ve got a new friend’ thing, where its exciting, all spare time spent with them, everything else disregarded.
Has he even told her he’s with you?
He’s 28, he needs to grow up.
him prioritising her isn’t ok. He needs to know that it isn’t ok.
You are being completely disrespected here. Saying you aren’t allowed to join their game? Constantly texting her? Friends are great to have but this is a huge no! I know it’s hard but you deserve better than this. Tell him things need to change or you are leaving. Nobody should ever feel like they are someone’s second choice. Stand up for yourself.
be suspicious. personally i wouldnt let any man play like that to my face, so id totally break up with him. But thats just me though
9 months is still too early in the relationship to stick around for this. Have an honest conversation. If he tries to gaslight you or flip the blame, he’s not worth it. If he agrees to change, but doesn’t put in any effort, again, he’s not worth it. 9 months is still a very young relationship and he’s just starting to feel secure enough to show his true colors. It seems like his true colors are that he doesn’t prioritize you.