I need some serious advice because I can’t tell if this is my depression talking or what. I’m extremely social. Anyone who knows me will call me a social butterfly and everyone thinks I have a bunch of friends. I’m very easy to get along with, I can socialize with pretty much everyone. I don’t have anxiety regarding those things.
Yet, when I reflect, I don’t genuinely feel like I have many friends. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I’m always having to be the person who texts first or who plans things. I’m always the person asking people how they are, engaging other people. I’ve noticed, when I stop talking, no one else talks. They never ask me abt myself. I’m not in any group chat. I’ve never had a friend group. So I already feel I’ve lacked something I always wanted. I’ve found it increasingly harder to find friends as an adult. We hang out once and it’s amazing, then they just ghost me. I’m super depressed abt this.
If I’m so social, and have no anxiety, and I’m able to easily make friends, why don’t I have many friends?
I get that college was easier bc ur basically set up to have friends. And u can hang out with them whenever. Post college fucking sucks. It’s been so hard to make deep friendships. I’m a nice, fun, loving person. My friends from college would tell u this. Why am I having so much trouble finding close friends after college? I’ve tried meetups, apps like bumble bff, and I have plenty of hobbies. I go to shows all the time. I have lots of interests and explore those to meet people. Yet, these connections or meetups, I haven’t able to make more than a couple friends. I’m feeling lonely and broken. Tons of other people who aren’t as social and aren’t even nice have tons of friends. It’s almost how I feel abt dating sometimes. I see people who aren’t nice who have partners. Idk whenever I see posts like these it’s usually circumstances like social anxiety that get in the way. That’s not my case. It just feels like pretty much most people i meet fucking suck. And are incapable of being good reciprocal friends. It’s always been one sided, with me putting in all the work. I’m sick of it and it’s making extremely depressed.
1 comment
When I meet people like you I assume they already have a ton of friends and a stacked social calendar. People may not think to make plans or reach out often because they think, someone like this probably doesn’t have time or why would this person pick me to hang out when they have so many options? So I truly don’t think it’s a you issue, I’m sure people are aware of how amazing you are, they just assume everyone else knows it too and that you’re just out in the world doing your thing and you’ll choose when you grace them with your presence. In terms of a solution, maybe tell a few promising people (the ones who have a lot of friend potential) that you feel lonely and would like to hang out more and be invited to stuff more. Guarantee you they’ll be surprised. But hopefully they’ll start to reciprocate more.