I’m (21F) stuck in a relationship with a man (23M) I don’t want, and practically force myself to be intimate with them because I don’t want to disappoint them. I feel no attraction to them anymore, I’m not in love with them anymore, and we simply aren’t as compatible as I once believed. However, the last time I attempted to end the relationship, they threatened to show up at my house and demand to take back some “gifts” they gave me a long time ago, which were simply giveaways that I gave to my parents instead. Is this right? What should I do? And how should I go about ending things with this person when they threaten to show up at my home unwanted?
TL:DR
I feel trapped in a relationship with someone who I no longer want to be with and threatens to show up at my house unwanted if I break up with him.
8 comments
This is abuse, get out and change the locks, if he tries to break in then have him arrested or defend yourself in whatever way is legal for you.
He’s coercing you into sex, there’s no way out if this that doesn’t include a confrontation.
He’s relying on you being too timid to do that, you need to decide what kind of life you want.
Good luck, you can do this x
Take thevrisk and go
End it.
If he shows up and acts threatening, call the cops. Increase your personal security.
You don’t owe him the gifts back. He doesn’t really want them back, he just wants excuses to to contact and berate you. And even if you returned them he’d find some other excuse to contact and berate you.
Dump him and block him.
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Perhaps ask for a restraining order, talk to friends and family about his threats and make sure you stay safe.
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You can not “take back” gifts. That is literally stealing something which belongs to someone else.
They can’t legally confiscate old presents they gave you. Change your locks. Restraining order. There is nothing for you in this relationship. No matter what, so always have the “this shit sucks and I don’t have to be here” card in your pocket.
You **have** to put aside the idea of “disappointing” them, or “being nice” or anything like that. They show up at your house? You can ignore them! Literally, **ignore them**. You don’t have to answer the door, or answer your phone, you don’t have to interact with them in any way. There’s no “rude police” who’ll lock you up for ignoring someone or telling them “no”. You can either ghost them without warning, or text them that the relationship is over, block their number and ignore them from then on if they try and contact you. He turns up at your house? You call the cops and tell them an ex boyfriend is hassling you. You 100% have that right. It wouldn’t “make you a bad person” or any bullshit like that. Prioritise yourself. He clearly doesn’t particularly care about your feelings or happiness – you have zero obligation to care about his.
He is abusive. It sounds like you live with your parents? Make sure you let your parents know what is going on and that he may show up. They must never let him in. Be ready to call the police if he gets aggressive.
Forget about disappointing him. Tell him it’s over then block him from everything. All social media. Do not try to be nice. He’s already threatened you.
What’s the issue with him showing up? Don’t open the door.