Cuddled with a friend at it was the best cuddles I’ve ever gotten – don’t know what to do with my life now

Im 22M, worked for 4 years after highschool but started college this year.

Also idk if this is the right sub but I kind of want advice or something and this is dealing with a social (relationship) and personal thing sooo idk

Anyways – I recently left a 4 year relationship that was with my first love, person I lost my virginity to, etc. We also lived together for a majority of our relationship. The relationship was emotionally abusive in nature and took a lot out of me. I’ve been kind of sad and lost because of the break as well.

I’ve tried dating – almost exclusively through the internet and its been mediocre at best. I’ve met a handful of people, hooked up with 1 and honestly I feel absolutely nothing. I don’t think I’m a hookup type of person since every hookup I’ve had, has left me nauseous and wishing I just jerked off. The girl I got the closest too seemed to like me – she was cute, attentive, funny and the last time I saw her, she put her arm around mine – but I stopped talking to her because I felt nothing.

During my winter break, I’ve cuddled with a few friends and the same thing happened – it was nice, but didn’t really mean much.

But recently, I cuddled with a girl I hesitate to call my friend. I’ve known her for 5 or 6 years now but we never talked. I only knew her because she was friends with my friends in HS. I ran in to her a year or so ago coincidentally at her work place and she surprisingly remembered my name, while I had to say “bro” until her coworker called to her (lol).

I hung out with her, along with another friend because she’s gotten closer to a long term friend that I’ve had, maybe a few times during break.

About a week ago I rolled (took ecstacy) for a rave and went to a house party she was at afterward, still rolling. She was drunk and I asked to cuddle with her and oh my God, that was the first time since my breakup that I actually felt so warm and emotionally fulfilled. She didn’t just hold me, she fully embraced me with her arms and legs. I remember her saying that my hands were cold (I didn’t notice because drugs lol) and grabbing both of my hands with both of hers and putting them between her thighs. I felt so happy and loved and although this is definitely drug amplified and induced, I have some feelings for her. Despite meeting a bunch of girls, kissing some, cuddling some, etc, she’s the first person to make me feel content and whole again.

Side note – I cuddled with 1 other friend while rolling and felt nothing so it definitely wasn’t just drugs.

Before leaving back for college I planned a friend’s dinner and although I thought everything was normal, my friends asked me after, “what was up with you and her flirting at dinner?”

I don’t know if I’m oblivious or if my friends are just goading me on lol, but I don’t really know how to proceed.

I value friends over relationships and wouldn’t want to ruin a potentially amazing friendship over some feelings I could get over.

Any advice appreciated