It’s been frustrating me a while now. I have this friend that’s been going through stuff for years, but I always struggle to say the right things to comfort him.
Everytime he’s feeling down or hopeless, I struggle with saying the right sort of words. Sometimes I say something they clearly don’t like, but he never bothers explaining to me what exactly bothered him.
A recent conversation went along the lines of this:
Me: “How are you?”
Friend: “Still the same as yesterday. And the month before. And the years.”
Me: “that’s fair, but hey there’s always hope for the future. One step at a time, and we’re planning to see doctors this year too.”
Friend: “definitely didn’t just lose my mind there.” (Sarcasm)
I asked him what they meant but he just ignored me.
Since he won’t bother pointing out what I said wrong, can someone else explain so?
I struggle with comforting people and always feel awkward when trying to do so.
I have a feeling he saw it as toxic positivity but that’s not what I meant. I just meant that whenever I feel hopeless, I’d rather hope for things to get better than give up. I didn’t want to depress him further. What should have I have said, and what should I say? To clear things up.
TL;DR! I’m awkward at comforting people. What did I say wrong here and how can I fix it?
1 comment
I’m working with pretty limited info here and it’s important to remember that you’re only half the conversation but some people are downers homie. It’s not always your responsibility to pull them up and trying to maintain such a responsibility can be a very draining task. I’d say this is especially true if it’s given there are mental health or quality of life issues at play here. Sometimes that stuff is just so beyond your scope of influence the most you can do is be kind, be yourself, and check in on them every now and then provided they don’t seem to mind it. At the end of the day it’s up to them to develop their own methods of coping, be ready to ask for help, or learn to help themselves. OP did nothing wrong as far as I can see your friend just had a bit of an odd ball response. Don’t dump your energy trying to lift a boulder y’know just be there for the boulder, give it a little support now and then if it’s needed. It’s not the most rewarding experience but it’s the most you can do. Just remember not to hold yourself too accountable for their emotions.