[23M][24F] I don’t have any problems getting hard when masturbating but when I tried to have sex with my gf for the first time I couldn’t get hard. When we doing foreplay I would get heard from time to time but it would never get fully erect but it would get close to being fully erect if we were humping each other, but when she tried giving me a blowjob or just wanted to play with it it was just completely soft.
I think it’s important to mention that I’m technically a virgin so I’m not used to being in this kind of setting with another person so maybe that could be the cause of it?
I also notice that I tend to get hard when I rub on her body or I can actually see her body compared to when we are just kissing with our eyes closed.
I’m going to try to stop looking at porn for a while and see if that makes a difference
I know I’m not the only person that had gone through this as I’ve heard it’s normal during someone’s first time, but do any of you have any advice for my situation?
5 comments
Don’t sweat it. It’s probably just nerves/being anxious. I had a similar first experience and that was after months of dating and doing everything except intetcourse without an issue. Just try again, maybe have a drink to relax.
Definitely happens to many ppl due to anxiety and pressure
Some things that might help:
You mentioned being visually stimulated; are you doing this in dark places primarily? Would your partner be willing to do it in a well-lit private place? Mirrors, different positionings, etc can all help you get some additional visual stimulation while receiving oral or hand play.
Also if rubbing on her/ visualizing her helps with getting you ready; offer to massage your partner “with benefits”, which will take the pressure off, they’ll feel great. That could take the pressure off you for a while and if you make it to full-mast then that’s gravy!
I go back and forth on this; but taking a break from pornography/masturbation isn’t a terrible idea. It may or may not help. Alternatively if your partner is open to it you can try consuming pornography together?
Remember not all sexual activity and intimacy is about an erect penis entering another person. Experiment, take it slow, and communicate! Good luck, you’ll work it out man trust the process and be patient.
Stage fright , you’ll get over it
Depending on how long and how often you have been looking at porn it can sometimes take some practice to re-orient your brain to be aroused by IRL women. Pretty common issue these days. Nervousness can also play a role. My advice is keep trying with your partner, once your brain’s reward centers start to associate sexual pleasure with real sex instead of porn, it will correct itself.
Performance anxiety.
The more comfortable you become with her, and the more sexual/naked exposure you get, the problem will subside. Mechanically, you got no issues – masturbation and the plumbing are working fine, it’s all up in your “head”.
You being a PIV virgin is definitely weighing heavily on this. Even with “new partners” I (50M) am usually scared shitless the first time or two. This too shall pass.
Porn is the devil… well, not really. But, it will definitely cause “death grip syndrome”. A real vagina is nowhere near as tight and forceful as your hand, and it doesn’t move with the same grip and intensity. Avoiding porn and most importantly AVOIDING MASTURBATION will be a useful exercise.
If you must jerk off, use a light touch and minimum grip. Use some lotion/lube and try to similar a sliding motion not a “jerking” motion.
Avoid alcohol at all costs. Smoking is also bad. So is excessive caffeine. LOL.