I dated a girl in December who I really liked. We are both in our 20s. I felt a connection, talked about a lot of stuff, our first date even last 8 hours. She talked about her family and everything, and even on the first date she mentioned that she wants to see a psychologist, because she usually sabotage dating/relationship, when she is getting closer to someone. I knew it is a redflag.
1 week ago she started to text less, but always started a conversation with me. I knew it is a bad signal, and she told me she doesn’t want to waste my time, and wants to see her psychologist before she would continue dating. I said okay, but inside I thought it is bullsh\*t. I think she just lost interest or just met someone else, which is okay. Why would someone not meet with another person if she likes him? Is it a real thing that someone cannot date because of being so afraid of getting closer to someone?
I would be sure it is 100% Bullsh\*t, but since she mentioned it on the first date, it made me think that it is might true. But I know, it does not matter…
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Probably true. But like you said it doesn’t really matter regarding what you need to do next, which is to move on.
Could be true. I tend to believe people, especially in cases like this where, as you said, it doesn’t matter. The end result is the same.
>But I know, it does not matter…
That’s right. It doesn’t. Look man, when you get dumped, you’re more often than not going to get some BS excuse, especially if it happens before you’re too committed. It doesn’t do you any good to worry about it.
I used to destroy relationships all the time. I think it was a weird power move. It’s so easy to ghost someone so it’s probably true
“Is it a real thing that someone cannot date because of being so afraid of getting closer to someone”
Yes that is a real thing. I don’t know what her case is or if she is using that as an excuse, but overall it is a real feeling. there are many things that can cause someone to think and feel that way. maybe she had trusted and confided in a person in her past that wronged her so bad she doesn’t trust that easy so she is afraid of opening up again. don’t say such shit as bs cause there are people that think that way. idk about the girl you’re talking about tho since idk anything about her other than she used her opportunity to open up to you about how she takes relationships. it’s up to you to either prove to her that there are people out there that will be there for her so she doesn’t “self sabotage” OR just move on.
I don’t think it’s a bs excuse, I think that’s a genuine reason. I think in our late 20s there is always going to be some mental health issues and some baggage, as long as she is not toxic and unaware of her behaviours then it might be worth going after, slowly. Until she gets some further help. It’s a good sign she wants to get help and talk about it with her psychologist. But yeah I don’t think it’s bs. But I’d say definitely ask her if she’s still open to seeing you and then see what her answer is.
There could be a hundred reasons why, but your main thing is to not worry about it and move on with your life. She actually did you a favor by admitting she didn’t want to waste your time and possibly lead you on, that’s admirable compared to the girls who will dangle a carrot in front of you for weeks, months, or even years with some guys.
Forget about her man, plenty of fish in the sea.
Any excuse to break up is a valid excuse. No one is obligated to stay with you, they can leave for any reason. Whether her reason is true or not doesn’t matter.
Maybe. Maybe not.
But it doesn’t matter, as you’ve stated.
Every relationship that ends, for me, I think back to things to analyze. If problems were their fault, what can I learn? If problems were my fault, what can I learn? If problems were both of our faults, what can I learn? I have to be truly honest with myself about it. That way I can learn the absolute most from it that I can. And i find there are almost always places where I could learn to do better, should I be in a similar situation in the future.
I’m other words, it doesn’t really matter if that’s the real reason she broke things off.
What can you learn, that will help you in your future?
For example, why were you attracted to her? Why did you like her? Was it because of a list of things that pop up when you think of her? Or were those reasons only what that attraction grew to like? Or were you really attracted to her because she wouldn’t be able to reciprocate your interest?
I’m not saying any of that is true about you or her. Just mean the general mindset should be learning what you can from it. You can’t gain more info about the TRUTH of what she said. But you can still learn important things.
My advice, run!