Hey y’all
A little while ago I had a falling out with a whole friend group of 4 years pretty much. It was my fault completely as I had, multiple times, snapped on them for really no reason other than personal problems and ignoring my own feelings. They were patient with me for quite awhile but the last outburst was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I’ve been coming to terms with this event and using it as a catalyst for change within myself. I’ve been focusing on me and my needs, mental health (therapy and actually utilizing my DBT toolbox) and insecurities (paranoia and jealousy) for the betterment of my life and relationships. I’ve been doing well with pits here and there but I see my progress and focus on that rather than my failures.
To the point. A close friends birthday (T- 2years known) is coming soon and they are mutual friends with my ex group. T wants to celebrate their birthday with all of us (they know of the fallout), but I am still coming to terms with how I hurt them all and caused them to no longer speak with me. Although it’s been a little while I’m still stuck on this event and don’t know if I’m ready to really be around them again treated as an acquaintance/avoided by them. Especially because some of them haven’t even spoken to me since it happened (maybe almost 8 or so months?).
I want to celebrate with T but I feel myself getting very anxious and triggered with the idea of seeing them, almost as if I’m in that moment after I hurt them so badly again. When I feel that way is when it’s the hardest to calm myself and since I’m already feeling it I’m thinking I can just prepare early on each day before, or I can remove myself from the situation completely and celebrate with T individually… Selfishly though I love a good house party and haven’t been to a good one in SO LONG ugh.
I know myself and pushing myself to be somewhere or do something I know I don’t want to can be my main trigger for being rude and sulking. I love T and want to push through for them but maybe I’m just not strong enough yet. Is there a problem with that, though? Am I in the wrong for wanting to enforce boundaries even though it may hurt my friend?
What would you all do in my situation? Any advice or support would be much appreciated! I feel like I already know the answer but outside input couldn’t hurt, right? Ty for reading!
TL;DR Close friend wants to have party with me and ex friends present but I don’t know if I can handle being around them so soon after falling out.
2 comments
Maybe this depends how badly bridges are burnt or how feasible it is to build new ones. Is there any possibility of doing some leg work now? Reaching out before the party?
If you can be on speaking terms with people before the day, that makes the day itself less awkward. Something like putting on a life jacket before leaping in the deep end. At least you’d have some idea of how easily they can be approached or not. You probably don’t want to put too much pressure (in that sense) on yourself at the party only to discover you can’t deal.
What does your therapist think about this plan?