long story short, my boyfriend(21m) & i(19f) have been together for 10 months. we had a great sex life in the beginning as per usual & he would get hard from just looking at me or me trying to be sexual without actually touching him… the past like 5 months kid you not, he never gets hard from looking at me, fully naked may i add… & usually i have to start touching him for it to go up. i am just convinced he isn’t sexually attracted to me & it def is putting a strain on my confidence & mental health. i have already asked & talked to him without trying to make him feel bad & he doesn’t really give me and explanation, just gets defensive & says he does or gets mad. may sound silly but sex is important to me in a relationship & if it can only be done from me pleasing him & i can’t feel his love just from him looking at me idk what to do tbh… just definitely hurts :/ any advice pls
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You’re applying far too meaning on the erection and projecting irrational insecurities onto your relationship as a result. I can understand why your BF is feeling frustrated or defensive. *He can’t mentally control his erection anymore than you can mentally control how wet you get*; it’s fundamentally unfair to expect otherwise.
Unless you have any other kind of evidence that he’s not into you, stop obsessing over his erection like this. You’re harming your relationship and potentially creating an insecurity for him.
Does he watch a lot of porn?
Ask him
Could be any number of reasons unrelated to his attraction towards you.
For example, stress, depression, anxiety, something like work or family stress/drama weighing on his mind, diet, exercise, low testosterone, ED, or one of many other possible links related to his physical or mental health, or current state of mind.
Maybe he has a more spontaneous sex drive during the “honeymoon” phase of a relationship, but a more responsive desire after growing close to someone?
Age can also be a factor, but at 21 that seems less likely of a vector in this particular scenario.
The best thing to do is talk to him about it and try to be caring, understanding, and non-judgemental. Unfortunately, this is also a very sensitive topic for many men and can breed insecurities or feelings of being inadequate, and it’s a difficult subject to talk about without being somewhat direct. However, you can ask probing questions that could give you a hint indirectly. For example, figuring out if something’s been weighing on his mind or stressing him out. For Low T, I’m not sure how to bring that up delicately, but if he’s exhibiting symptoms it might help to have him talk to his doctor.
Though the best way forward is usually an open and honest conversation about it. However, if either of you are having trouble talking about it effectively, maybe it’d be a good idea to either have him see a psychologist, or both of you visit a couples therapist?
Does your boyfriend watch a lot of porn?
He’s very familiar with you now so ofc that magic phase is going to wear off, it doesn’t mean he finds you unattractive.
Men need and want to be touched. It’s great that you’re naked and hot but once he’s seen that once, it’s still amazing but it’s not enough to get us hard.
This is why we scroll through thousands of porn videos and pictures when we masturbate, rather than pick one picture and stick with it forever.
This doesn’t mean that you are not hot, or he isn’t attracted to you. His brain just isn’t firing ‘new naked person alert!’ impulses and this is normal.
Meghan Fox’s boyfriend won’t get hard until she starts touching him.
If you want to get him hard with no penis touching, he may get hard if you lapdance him, put your boobs and butt and pussy in his face and talk dirty and tell him all the things you want him to do, but men CRAVE touch and are often starved of it.
Believe it or not, men like to be touched!
Him not getting hard just from *looking* at you is most likely just the honeymoon phase wearing off. Pretty much all relationships start off the same way; it’s thrilling to have a new partner.
There still might be a possibility that he isn’t as attracted to you as he once was, and if you’re worried about that you can talk to him about it, but, imo, I feel like it’s most likely just the end of the honeymoon phase.
There Is a difference between being turned on and an erection. As a man get older, erections need a phisical stimulus, despite being aroused. It’s difficult for a man to speak about the argument, due to masculine ego…
Maybe he desires you a lot, but has performance anxiety?
Don’t assume he’s not desiring you, try to be calm and find a way to talk with him in a reassuring way