My girlfriend (18/f) and I(21/M) have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years. We’ve met several times in the last year. Recently, she has made friends with a guy she plays basketball with and I found out they have been hanging out the past 3 days. She didn’t tell me about him until today. She admitted he likes her and when I asked if she liked him she said “You really expect me to answer that”. Then said “a little”. She also refuses to tell him she has a boyfriend. She says he flirts with her but she doesn’t flirt back.
She wants to continue to be friends with him and hang out with him. I feel like this is disrespectful and dangerous for our relationship. She also wants me to not be insecure. Which is going to be impossible if she’s going to continue seeing him. She says she will stop seeing him outside of basketball but I’m not sure that will stop my insecurities.
My question is: If she continues to hang out with him and her feelings for him grow and she leaves me to eventually pursue a relationship with him. Would you consider that cheating?
TL;DR: Is it okay to be friends with someone you have feelings for?
7 comments
Don’t think you have a girlfriend here
She is hiding the fact that she has a boyfriend from him so she can have his attention and time. That’s just being a jerk. To him. To you. Don’t date jerks.
She refuses to tell him she has a boyfriend because it will hurt her chances with him, she openly told you she has feelings for him…I would probably just break up. They clearly don’t have good boundaries, and LDR’s are hard enough without something like this hanging over it, especially when you are so young.
Yeah…she doesn’t want to break up, but isn’t willing to stop hanging out with this other guy she clearly has feelings for. This is a maturity issue on her part, and I’m sorry you’re on the receiving end of it.
Even if you don’t consider it “cheating”….this is a good reason to call things off. Or, if you’re still wanting to give the relationship a try I would set a VERY clear boundary with her. If she follows it, great. If not, break up. Good luck, hope it works out
Yes that’s cheating. Her intent is dishonest and unfaithful. If she doesn’t show you she’s completely cut him out it’s because she doesn’t respect you. If she loves you she wouldn’t put herself into a position to cause this kind of pain for to begin with. Good luck
This type of behavior is unacceptable, and you’re only allowing it because your judgement is clouded by emotions. She’s already crossed numerous lines that show she doesn’t respect you enough anymore for the relationship to work. I would suggest you end things and walk away with your head held high. It’ll be a good life lesson for both of you. If you stay you’ll just get cheated on either this time or the next time she gets a crush on a guy. There’s no winning here once a woman starts acting like this, especially when they are only 18.
She’s a sly little minx. Wave her off and get a gf in your area.