Okay so I(18f) have been dating my bf(18m) for just two months now, we had started talking a few weeks before that as we didn’t know each other as we had been introduced by mutual friends by my request. It was slow at the start but we started to get to know one another. Our relationship started off as sexual but slowly began to take a romantic turn, to which we started dating.
He was hesitant to talk about his past experiences at first but opened up when I had talked about mine, he is significantly more sexually experienced than me. Which isn’t an issue and I had made this quite clear when he had started to become embarrassed and ashamed, as I myself would personally prefer to date someone who would be more sexually experienced than I.
Everything was going great and he was opening up more to me as we began to become closer, and he had told me about his past partners both sexually and romantically. This was great until he started showing me them and I soon began to realize that I’m completely opposite in every way to them. They all had brown hair, tan, curvy, have clear skin and are just pretty, which has in a way made me feel unattractive as I don’t look like them.
For context I’m small, petite, ginger, pale and have freckles. I don’t know how to stop feeling so inadequate and low despite him telling me multiple times that I’m pretty. I feel like he isn’t as attracted to me as he was to them and it’s eating me up inside.
TL;DR! Feeling inadequate and ugly when comparing myself to my bf past partners.
8 comments
If he wasn’t attracted to you then he wouldn’t be dating you. There’s no real straightforward way to resolve your conflict outside of mentally telling yourself there’s nothing wrong. Every time you start to doubt yourself, literally shake your head and say “no”. Try and focus on something else, like how much you enjoy hanging out with him
You are being ridiculous. Turn off your negative thoughts. He isn’t with his exes he is with you. People don’t have a single type. I can tell you that your insecurities are very unattractive. Stop it.
First, your boyfriend is a fool for talking to you about his past relationships.
Don’t trust your own assessment of your looks. You are probably a step up for him and he doesn’t want to blow it by being clingy or needy.
You just can’t compare yourself to a partner’s past partners. This could just as easily be a post that says, “I’m just a boring brunette but my bf’s exes are all petite redheads with cute freckles and I feel so inadequate.” That’s why you can’t compare. Beauty is subjective, tastes are wide ranging, and just because your bf’s ex was (what you consider to be) hot, doesn’t mean that he prefers her to you.
As a guy, “having a very specific type” is a myth. To be frank, only once in my life have I met a man who had something very specific he desired with regard to the body of prospective partners and even then, that thing was so broad that it still encapsulated half the world population.
Attraction is rarely about “having a type”, it just develops and men do not have a set of criteria, like a checklist, even if some say they do. That’s just not how it works.
I cannot say, whether or not your partner is wholeheartedly into your relationship, since you said things started slow and there were some minor issues, but you shouldn’t worry about inferior looks. Forget the whole “his type” thing, it’s not real.
They’re EXES! 🤦🏻♀️ Don’t you think there’s a reason why they’re exes?!
Own your own looks proudly & without quarter. That’s the only way out of this. You know that pale/freckled/ginger women are a also a thing. Stop giving him this much power, and take back your own.
You’re the only deciding this. If he didn’t want to, he wouldn’t. It truly is that simple. Why are you trying so hard to have your insecurities confirmed, when it takes so much less effort to believe them…