A year ago, I (38M) started a long distance relationship with a woman (37F) that I when to high school with. We reconnected at a mutual friend’s wedding. She was a pretty bad situation, she had battled drug addiction, had just gotten out of a abusive relationship and was living in a crappy rental with her two special needs dogs and no job, no license, and waiting on being evicted. Three months ago, I flew out there and paid for everything to move her and the dogs across country to live with me, along with driving the moving truck. Everything was fine for the first month.
She knew that I have my 5 year son full time and that my disabled father lives with me. After a few weeks she started complaining that my father was always home and was in the middle of everything. She states that can’t “be herself” or “make a home” with him constantly being there. She refuses to do any chores she does not directly benefit from, she only does her own laundry and cooking for herself. She has told me repeatedly that she wants me to kick him out. He takes care of my son when I’m at work. She says that she cannot stand being there when I’m not home or for long periods of time and will disappear for hours leaving my father or me to take care of her dogs.
She is highly critical about how I raise my son, whom I will admit is a handful. She has two children of her own but doesn’t have custody of either of them. She hasn’t seen her eldest in 14 years. When a ask her for help in raising him or even interacting with him she refuses saying that it’s not her job and that “he has a mother” hinting that I should leave him with his mother. Mix lots of comments about how he should spend more time with his mother, but then completely flipped out when she came over to see him for Christmas instead of me driving him over to her house.
Numerous times she has complained about the condition of my house but there’s nothing to help improve it. Mind you my house is over 120 years old and only has one bathroom so it has its issues and I’m slowly working on fixing those but those take time and money. Everything that she has ask me to fix I have done within reason. For example, she didn’t like how my dryer worked so I bought a new dryer and I replace the fan and light in the bathroom for her. She wants me to redo the bathroom and add another one, but I do not have the time or the money to take on such a project, especially in the middle of an Ohio winter. She keeps threatening to move out if I do not fix those above issues immediately.
At the beginning of last month, she found out that she was pregnant. She says that she rather abort the baby, then raise it in that household. Last night, I received about 100 text messages of her berating me of how I’m not a real man. I am just a teenager in adult body. I’m a responsible. Her friends think I’m a piece of shit, I’m a bad father and if I really love my son, I would leave him with his mother. That I lied to her about the conditions that I was moving her into. I brought this hell upon her. She hates me and it’s all my fault.
Those things really hurt. I own the house and I pay 100% of the bills and I’ve worked so hard to be a good father and for what I have. I want to kick her out but like I said she is pregnant and she has nowhere to go with no friends or family in the area. How can I deal with this? She is not the same person and I fell in love with over the phone. I really have no idea what to do.
3 comments
You got played, You tried to be the good guy which is really commendable but based on her patterns she obviously has no intentions to change and I guarantee you that NOTHING will ever be good enough for her just like your life will always be full of drama with her in it
What kind of person would expect you to offload your son to his mother and throw your father out? A nasty piece of work that’s who!
I say draft up an eviction notice and ask her to leave…..Get law enforcement involved if you have too
Should she proceed with the pregnancy I strongly urge you to seek a paternity test and hire a good custody lawyer
She sounds like a user who blames everyone else for her poor choices in life
I’m so sorry that you are going through this.
The woman you fell in love with over the phone never existed. She was putting on best behavior.
And now then couldn’t even be kind longer than a month in person? 🚩🚩🚩Red Flags!!!!!
This, now, is the real woman, and she will continue to get more hateful and cruel.
You are clearly a good father, don’t let her get into your head.
But your son may be suffering with her in the house.
If she is gone for hours, at a time, you probably need to get a DNA test to make sure the baby is yours.
If so, make sure that you are listed as the father on the birth certificate, and as soon as the baby is born, go for full custody. You and your dad will give your children a much better life than this selfish, cruel woman.
You are a good person, she is mistreating you, and you are much better off without her. Having your baby will complicate the situation exponentially.