I would like to know your story and how things ended up. My wife and I haven’t spoken really in months. I’m tired of the emotional ups and downs and have decided to keep things as quiet as possible. I don’t speak to her unless I have to so no “hello” or asking how her day was and she’s the same to me. It all started when I was trying for weeks to rekindle our relationship. Things were going okay but then she started kicking off for a really dumb reason.
The only reason I’m not divorced is because of the children and the house. For their sake, I’ll stay in the same house as my wife. We also have a mortgage which I want to finish and leave for our children.
With all that said, my preference would be to divorce and remain in and pay for the house.
Has anyone here divorced whilst owning or home and having children?
8 comments
Yes, but this is a big emotional subject. I am not sure I can answer questions on Reddit.
There are people better qualified than me who may be can help: therapists, relationship councillors, financial mediators etc.
Just to say, that my ex and I worked it out and got divorced with as little impact on the kids (aged 8 and 11) as we could, but it still hit them hard.
We both rebuilt our lives and are now good friends. Good things can come from divorce, but it is very tough and takes a lot of hard work.
Don’t stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of your kids.
It won’t benefit them in the long run, I promise you.
Yes! Don’t stay for the kids if you can’t see the two of you staying together permanently, you’ll both only end up miserable as sin – we did it 2 years as we tried recovering from her cheating, but ultimately knew the relationship was dead.
My ex wasn’t in a position to pay the mortgage, so I remained in the marital house, she got a local housing association rental, & I cashed in a life assurance policy to be able to send her money to decorate, carpet, & furnish it (other than the few bits she wanted to take from our home), but kept all transfers via the bank to make a traceable paper trail, so those payments could be taken into account during our finance settlement.
We did 50/50 week-about shared custody of our two kids, so no child maintenance going either direction. We claimed one child each for child benefits / tax credits, split their existing clothing & toys, then supplied everything else they needed at our own houses.
The kids LOVED having 2 houses & bedrooms, & adapted well to the situation. Both houses were close enough they could attend the same school & clubs, visit relatives, play with same friends, etc.
They also flourished at school as their routines weren’t majorly affected, & ‘cos they got to see both parents equally – even their teachers commented on how well an amicable child-sharing agreement had worked, compared to many scenarios they’d seen.
Once divorce finalised I had to pay her more from my cashed in life policy, but thankfully never ended up in more debt doing so. Over the next few years I worked like crazy during my off-week, paid off all remaining debts, & overpaid on the mortgage to get it done early too.
Good luck to you both.
I have not.
But please, do not raise your kids in a home where mummy and daddy don’t even say ‘hello’ to each other. I know living separately won’t be the best decision from a personal finance pov but it still sounds like the right decision.
I’m sorry for your situation, but you are modelling what a healthy relationship looks like for your children. And this isn’t it. They are noticing. You need to sit down with your wife and discuss what happens going forward.
I’ve never heard of this lasting, even in countries where there is much more social stigma against divorce.
Also, your kids will know and will potentially end up with a fucked-up idea of how adults behave towards each other.
Staying with someone for the sake of the kids is a stupid reason to be with someone, and the kids will pick up on the unhappy household as they get older.
Unfortunately unless she agrees to sell the house or buy your share, she will probably be allowed to live their should you split up because she’s got the kids. Blokes tend to loose out on divorces when kids are involved. But I’ve walked away in the past. Money was tight but I’d rather that than how unhappy I felt in the marriage.
If you aren’t happy how can you make anyone else happy.
From my own personal experience, and from what I’ve seen in lots of friends, so many marriages start to fail once kids come along. So many blokes still want the sexy women they fell in love with, and for the women to still fancy them, but most women change from that sexy, fun women, into mothers, mothers who see you as the father to their kids now rather than their fella
Stay or you’ll finish up in a 1 bed flat ,Flat broke only seeing your kids on weekends and paying Maintainance for the rest of your days
Chin up 😭