Title. [26M]. (Before reading this, ik this girl ain’t interested looool. But because I’m new to this I was hanging on to hope)
Due to personal life circumstances that involved me witnessing vicious domestic violence 23 years and having to battle cancer when I was in high school combined with really low self esteem due to bullying, I didn’t put myself out there all that much.
But finally being free from the cancer for 9 years, my mother getting out of that environment and living a happy and healthy life, getting into the top law school in my country, achieving a soccer player’s physique and having my confidence sky rocket, I began putting myself out there.
I asked my friend of 4 years out on a date and she said she wasn’t looking for a relationship but was down for a date. When I planned it, she didn’t respond to my text for five days and then said she wanted to reschedule but never reached out like I asked her to. In the past we’d hang out before and after classes and anytime we saw each other and she even said we vibe. But when I confronted her on being wishy washy, she said she didn’t know if she has feelings for me.
For the past two years (even prior to asking her out she, more often than not left me on delivered for weeks and sometimes months until I started a new convo. When she did respond we vibed).
The final straw for me was how in the past year, she only texted me when she needed me and rarely responded to my texts or calls. Moreover since I’ve known her, I wished her happy birthday every year and she only wished me twice (when I posted about it on social media).
All this led me to come to the decision that I have to block her because I talked her about this in the past twice and she continues to ignore me.
I apologize if this is dramatic, but this is the first time I’m cutting someone off aside from my father. Is it normal to feel this way even though this person was not right for me?
2 comments
You feel terrible because you’re grieving. You’re grieving the loss of the friendship you thought you had, and you’re grieving what you saw as potential for more. It’s an extremely normal and sucky part of ending relationships – even when ending it is the best thing for us. By the time I divorced my toxic ex husband, I had been emotionally DONE for at least a year. I walked out of that relationship without any second thoughts, nor have I ever missed him. That being said, on two separate occasions, I cried. Not because I was sad to lose the relationship I had – that was actually a giant relief. I cried because I was grieving the loss of the relationship we COULD have had if things had been different, and the life I though I would have – and WANTED. I cried because starting over at 37 was really scary. The good news, is that with time, it’s possible to process these emotions and move forward.
On a separate note, I STRONGLY recommend you seek therapy to work through your past trauma. You’ve been through a lot in your life, and I’m inferring that you didn’t really have healthy relationships modeled for you. That’s going to SIGNIFICANTLY impact your ability to form healthy attachments. It really helped me with the trauma of my marriage. Congrats on all of your accomplishments; let’s make sure your emotions are as healthy as your body.
She’s not into you, didn’t want to lead you on, ignored the problem, hoping it would go away. It’s actually very typical, so don’t feel like this happened to you only.
It’s normal to feel down. Breaking a friendship isn’t like a breakup, but it can still be traumatic.