My gf and I have been together for two years. When we met she was conducting a fellowship in my city. She had to go back out west to complete the final year of her PhD and moved back last week I picked up the keys for her apartment, prior to her arrival, and got everything moved out of storage and into her condo. When she arrived I hired guys to help unload the stuff she was bringing with her so as to reduce her stress. The only alone time we’ve had thus far has consisted of helping her pick up rugs and things for her condo on Saturday. I spent the night on Saturday night, and she said she’d like to be alone on Sunday to allow her time to organize, which I thought was fair. What surprised me was that she called me on Sunday to tell me she had plans for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights, as well as all day on Saturday. I was invited to events on Thursday and Saturday, sort of as an afterthought, only after I asked her about what her plans were, however I got the feeling that I was invited only, because she may have realized how this looks, rather than because she wants me there. Sunday, she wants to watch football, so the day has sort of been dictated to me. She starts a new job on Monday, and will have a long commute, so this week was really the best time we would have had to reconnect. Any of her plans seem fine in isolation, or on any other week. I can’t help but feel hurt though, that I’ve been eagerly anticipating her return for a year, and her time is given to people who she hasn’t talked to during that time. Meanwhile, I have been there for her throughout the year, and I kind of feel like a chump at the moment. Am I making too much of this, or is this indicative a bigger issue?
TLDR: GF filled her schedule with activities that don’t involve me, first week back after being apart for a year.
6 comments
Benefit of the doubt, could probably go a long way here. She sounds goal/career oriented and could be so stressed about her new job she doesn’t realise that she needs to change her regular pattern from when you guys were long distance, aka filling her schedule with her stuff or inviting you to stuff. Communicate with her from a positive angle not to stress her out. Say you want quality time and take the initiative and take her on a date or something to celebrate her being back. Goodluck
I’d communicate man
If she doesn’t empathize then you can be a chump
She could just be a little less sensitive than you
If it’s just the first week I wouldn’t put too much investment in. I think if it kept up I would have a bigger problem!
It’s a nice fantasy to imagine that your SO, on returning after a long time away, would want to gorge on time alone with you. Because that’s what you’d like, right? For her to have come back and y’all ignore the world for a week to reunite?
But you’re one person. There are other people she wants to see and other people who want to see her.
Being an important part of someone’s life means understanding that you’re not the only part of someone’s life.
Well, at least you know now what role you play in her life
Have you discussed it with her? She obviously will have many things to do but honestly I’d be hurt too – depending on what her ‘plans’ are. If it’s meetings, arranging service or something I get it, bit if it’s just to hang out socially with other people I would be hurt. I have a very busy schedule but always mange to find time for my partner and children and make them a priority.