We’re roommates, and while he is an attractive guy I never planned on doing anything with him because we both date girls. A couple days ago, we ended up sleeping in the same bed and we had sex. We jerked each other off and I sucked his dick. It was really hot, like if I was with a guy I would want it to be him. Honestly, I enjoyed it more than the sex I’ve had with girls. And he kissed me for a while afterwards and I actually liked it which was surprising cause I usually find it kinda boring.

We’ve been friends for a few years now so I love him a lot but I’m not sure if he was just messing around for fun or if he likes me. I’m really confused cause I wouldn’t mind if we had sex again but I don’t know if he’s gay cause his family is very religious and our school is notoriously conservative and homophobic. And the more I think about it the more I realize that if he was a girl I definitely would’ve asked him out by now. He’s been kinda distant the last couple days and I don’t want to upset him, what’s the right way to approach this?

TL;DR: I had sex with my best friend and I’m not sure how to talk to him about it.

47 comments

  1. This is a meme right?

    Homie ima let you in on a secret. You’re not straight. You’re bi/pan at the minimum. But if you liked it, and you want to do it again, you need to talk to him.

    2 things though:

    1) don’t let labels like bi/pan/gay/straight make you miss out on what you love.
    2) be prepared that if your best friend doesn’t feel the same way, things might never be the same.

  2. I just came to give you an internet hug and to recommend you post this to r/askgaybros … they have a lot of experience navigating situations like this, including folks like yourself who might be questioning your sexuality a bit. They’re really supportive over there and I think you might get some good insight. Good luck!

  6. I think the best thing to do first is to realize that sexuality is a scale and not a defined state of being.

    Everyone is at least *a little* gay and *a little* straight.

    Which makes sense because women and men are not *that* different.

    Where you land on that scale?

    Whether it’s shaded more gay or more straight, is something that only you are able to know, through constant honesty with yourself.

  8. You both are bi or gay. He is struggling with that fact because of his family and religion. Give it time.

  9. Got news for you bruh. If you are a guy and you have sex with a guy. You kiss each other, you suck his dick, you jerk each other off. And you like it and want to do it again. That’s gay… you are gay. And that’s ok. But like own your shit my dude.

  10. I’ve had sex with women and I’m not gay. Sexuality is a spectrum, a lot of people.. maybe most people dabble at some point in their life. Just sit him down and gently have the uncomfortable conversation.

  11. There’s nothing wrong with being gay IF you turn out to be. You decide what you label yourself but please don’t let stigma keep you from doing the things you enjoy or loving the people you do.

  12. I got some news for you buddy. I don’t think you’re straight, and thats okay.

    Talk to your pal and see how he feels, you can hopefully either put this behind you, or see where it goes.

    Hope everything works out.

  14. He’s probably scared that you’re going to flip out and tell people and that could do him real harm at your school.

    Just talk to him and tell him that he’s your friend and you don’t want him to feel awkward around you. You should also tell him that you didn’t realize it before but that you’re interested in him. If he’s also interested you could see where it goes.

  16. Im highly disappointed I have not once in all of this seen… But 20 bucks is 20 bucks. What is the point of long standing meme jokes if we don’t actively use them.

  18. 15 years later, the kids in front of you:

    “Dad and Daddy, how did you two meet and get married?”

    “Well first of all Buddy, I’m not gay. But it was a beautiful winter evening, the stars were shining extra bright on the sky that balmy night…”

  19. You are young. You don’t have to label shit. So long as no one is being hurt have fun! Experiment! You don’t wanna be dying at 95 thinking “fuck I really wish I hadve done X whilst I had the chance”.
    But if it makes you feel any better jerk buddies are not as uncommon as people thing, nor are bi dudes.

  20. As long as the you two don’t open a bed and breakfast together and avoid attending more than one or two musicals a year together you should be ok.

  21. So after yall blasted off into eachother screaming eachothers name, did you look deep into his eyes and say “no homo bro”?

  22. I’m not gay but my advice would be to just be cool about it, as in “Do you want to hang out? I’m ordering pizza.” and not like, “we need to talk about what happened.” If he refuses a casual offer, just give him a bit of space and try again at a later time.

  23. You are bisexual and it’s okay to be confused. Take some time apart so the both of you can think. When you feel you are ready ask to talk to him about what’s going on.

  25. There’s sooooo much room between the labels of “straight” and “gay”. It’s totally okay if you only have feelings and attraction for this one guy and usually only want to date women otherwise. It doesn’t mean that you’re gay, but it does mean that you aren’t straight. And if you’re comfortable with the fact that you are not straight, it will be easier to do some research and figure out what labels and what communities fit with you best.

    It sounds like your friend is also just as attracted to you. So, if you have enough feelings that you would ask him out if his gender was different, but then can easily ignore his gender when having sex, it sounds like the only roadblock is worrying about what the rest of society thinks. You love each other and are attracted to each other which is a fantastic base for taking the relationship in a new direction.

    I know how hard it is living in a very conservative and homophobic community, that definitely hindered my self understanding growing up too. I feel for you in this situation, and I wish you the best of luck.

  27. You literally gave a man a hand job, a blowjob, and made out with him both before and after, and you claim you aren’t gay? Got some news for you chief. You are at a minimum bisexual, if not closeted gay.

  28. “I want to talk about what just happened” is a pretty natural conversation starter. If he’s not into it and wants to forget it/pretend it didn’t happen, you’ve got your answer. If he’s open to the discussion and possibly more, you have a better answer.

  30. It’s possible he’s being distant because he’s feeling just as confused as you are, or maybe he’s worried that you’re regretting it. Communication is the way forward here – I second the recommendation for r/askgaybros for more experienced advice, but you could also try something like, “Hey, about the other night… I really enjoyed it, I’d like to do it again sometime if that’s cool with you.”

    Good luck – I hope it works out! And if you are gay, that’s okay. 🙂

  31. Have a talk with him? You don’t have to figure out your whole identity you can just see where it goes without the pressure of it being life changing

  34. Did you say no homo before jerking each other off and giving him a blowjob? Otherwise you are at least bi.

  36. I mean.. I’m a girl. And I know alot of girls who can still be straight and sleep with other women. So I dont see how that cant be true for guys, it’s just not as accepted when guys do that.

    But the way you talk of him sounds like there might be genuine attraction there.

    I say just speak with him, see where his head is at and be honest about where yours is. Give it time. You dont have to decide anything right now.

  39. Ah yes, the old ‘i’m not gay’ post. Don’t worry about labels bro, at minimum you’re bi. All that really matters is that you enjoyed it. Talk to him about it

  40. Sexuality is a spectrum. Plenty of people are like 80/20 in their preference of one gender over another. Some people identify as straight their whole life, but once or twice have seen a particularly masculine woman or effeminate man, and be like “yeah, I’d hit that.” Some people don’t realize what’s wrong in their attempts to connect with the opposite sex until they connect with someone of the same sex and suddenly realize “Oh THIS is why everyone makes such a big deal about sex” and realize they just went along with the societal norm and never let themselves evaluate whether they were something other than straight.

    Do what makes you happy. Life’s too short to worry about these things.

  46. “Hey I had a lot of fun, would totally like to do it again sometime. Anyway, what’s on TV?” And go from there. I (bi/m) found guys to be much more laid back about things when I didn’t make a whole big deal about it.

  47. Um…. Neither one of you are straight. Especially is you are saying it was more enjoyable than when you are with a girl.

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