So I try to study at places where there’s a lot of noise because I find it less distracting than a library or coffeeshop. Usually sunny/well lit bars are great. On the other side of the coin, I also miss talking to other humans so being at a bar makes it easier for people to talk to me, too.

I love meeting people and having good conversation and I don’t like spending money on drinks if its unnecessary, but if a guy comes up and offers to buy me a drink I say yes and I chat with them. However, I’m not actually interested in anyone that approaches me other than to chat so I’m wondering if its asshole-ish of me to say yes to a drink from someone if I know I have zero interest other than to chat.

Also, to be clear, I could be interested if the guys that approached me were actually my age or close. The only guys that approach me are really old guys or like more than 5 years younger. Only two guys my age have ever approached me and they were vastly different personality wise and life wise that I’d never be interested anyway. And even so, those guys never approached me to my face. They either write a note, find my name somehow and dm me online, or have their mom/sister come up to me. Why is it only these guys who even try. I wonder if I’m just not attractive to normal guys my age or they’re all taken or something. I smile and be in open places by myself. Am I doing something wrong?

This is not a dating advice request okay mods? I’m asking for social skill advice.

4 comments

  3. I think what you should do, depends on what you want to do.

    If you don’t want to interact with the people making the offer then just say “No thanks” and move away.

    If you want to talk to them but know that’s all you will do then it’s perfectly fine to tell people that. Perhaps just say “thanks but I’m only here to chat/socialise” and if they insist then I don’t think there is anything wrong with accepting.

    If you think that they’re doing it as a way to try and guilt trip you (e.g. “I bought you a drink so you’ve got to dance/kiss/whatever with me”) but you still want to talk to them then perhaps after telling them you only want to chat/socialise you could say “I’ll get the next one” so you’re even.

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