I’ve noticed that in the past year or so I have started to focus on the meta-conversation so much and I can’t stop.
By meta conversation I mean like when you think about how the conversation and plan what youre gonna say next to keep it going and not be awkward and stuff like that.
When i talk to my best friend its all good and its natural. i dont need to intellectualize the conversation, it just comes naturally.
What can I do to not focus so much on how the conversation is going and be more relaxed and free flowing?
2 comments
The meta-conversation is information being passed through the conversation which isn’t spoken. Its like an idea, a sneaky ninja idea, that rides in concealment on the words.
What you’re talking about is conversational structure. You’re focused on making the conversation “right” (as if a proper conversation is the reason behind the conversation) by pre-planning it and molding is “properly”. And in doing so, you lose the spirit of the conversation.
I could tell you that confidence is what you need to develop…the confidence that by not focusing on the structure, you will follow it anyway. But its a chicken-egg game. You dont have the confidence unless you have confidence…and then you can let go of the question of being confident, because you are.
Instead I’m going to go one step up and tell you how confidence is achieved (in this, and nearly all endeavors). Confidence is achieved in following the exact process that you already are. By digging deep into the weeds and focusing “too” hard on the problem. In doing so, you’ll naturally expose yourself to many conversations to try and rip them apart, dissect them to come up with the appropriate way to navigate their structure. In doing so, you will destroy them. But eventually, you’ll realize the structure, then see you’re destroying them to get to the structure, and then start to back out of the rabbit hole and leave them just as they are, because you’ve already dug deep enough to structure them.
Its a process of digging deep enough to rip whatever is in your subconscious, up to your conscious, so you can see it, and then let it fall back into your subconscious again…knowing it was right all along. IE Chicken and egg. Or more succinctly, confidence.
Sounds very much like social anxiety. You might look that up and it could help you