does sex get better in your 30s and 40s?

26 comments

1. Are you a man or a women?

2. Communication skills, understanding your own wants/needs/desires, empathy, maturity,.

   I’m 57 and having the best sex of my life

3. [deleted]

4. Divorced male late 30s. Ummm… So far, no. Come on 40s

5. 50’s

6. Probably not being self conscious and not giving a fuck vs when you’re younger

7. I’m almost 40, and sex is the exact same activity it’s been since I first had it.

   The difference is, I’m better at it. Additionally, so is my wife. 9 years of doing the exact same thing over and over again tends to make you get good at it. Weird, that. 😉

   In truth, I don’t think it has anything to do with age, and everything to do with demographics. We tend to talk about sex as though it’s some sort of a global skill, like a driver’s license: “Well, I didn’t learn on this exact car, but that shouldn’t matter, because most cars are basically the same, and if I can handle one I can basically handle anything.” No, sex is a lot more personalized than that; what I learn to do to please This Person may have nothing to do with, or even be completely opposite from, what I learned to do to please That Person. Additionally, I think the skill takes longer to develop than we typically credit. It took about a year of having sex with my wife before I felt confident that I could make her come no matter what… And it was another year and a half beyond that point before my confidence was actually justified! And, to be clear, this is to get to what I would consider to be a bare minimum of competence: “I, as a man, can make my female partner orgasm.” If truly good sex is gated even further beyond that point, then it definitely takes a while to develop. The average American couple gets married after 3 years of dating: if they started having sex on the very first date, by the time they get married they’ve finally graduated to competency. Statistically speaking, the average American gets married at the age of 28. I don’t know how long they’ve been having sex, but I also don’t know how long it takes the typical American sex-haver to achieve competence. We know for a fact that some never do, so it’s by no means any sort of guarantee.

   So why does it get better in your 30s and 40s? Because you’ve finally had a chance to, as modern slang puts it, “git gud.”

8. I really don’t think it has to do with age in and of itself. It has to do with finding a partner who matches you in frequency and style. It’s just that once you are a little more mature, you are done settling for a partner who doesn’t match you and you are more discerning while dating. This can happen at any age technically. But it’s more likely to happen when you have some bad experiences behind you waking you up to what you are looking for and not looking for.

9. We been marred 20+ years with 3 boys. We are 45-50. I will tell yea what when she was in her early 30ies that woman was freaking horny….god damn. I’m not kidding in the slightest.

   Fast forward to now. We still have amazing sex. Just not as often. 1-2 times a week is pretty normal. Sometime more sometimes less as life happens.

   Is it better now than say when we first met? I will say yea as time, experience, and understanding what each other likes and doesn’t like play a lot into that.

   After a few years together yea have a pretty good idea where yea stand on those things and don’t really associate it with an age thing.

10. I’m in my 40s and have a much better grasp on what I like and don’t like. I also know my body better, and what my partner likes. I am not in it just for pleasure, or just to be doing it to keep a guy happy.

    With more knowledge on things, you can perform better as well. No longer in the experimenting faze , because we tried it, and know what we want.

11. Early 60s for us and our relationship keeps getting better, and our sex life is absolutely as good as it’s ever been. We can’t get enough of each other. Our friends call us rabbits, and we happily own up to it.

    We’ve gone thru a lot, we’ve grown closer, we know each other’s bodies very well. We adapt to the changes due to life and age. Sex is just a natural expression of our affection for each other. We enjoy it for what it is.

12. Omg yes. Late 30s here and sex is sooo much better now (and it was damn good in my 20s). Experience, communication, knowing your body, practice… I’m able to feel so much more aroused at this age, too. My sex drive is intense and constant now.

13. Did for us but that’s because we fixed some communication and other issues. Sex is amazing now.

14. I got divorced when I was 38 and I’m 48 now. I got out ofca sexless marriage and have lots of great varied sex since. Me and my fiance have the most mind blowing sex and were both up for anything. As long as you stay healthy the sex can be great

15. Being comfortable with yourself and likewise for your partner. Been married about 20 years and we just went on a trip last week together and it was the best trip and best sex we’ve ever had.

16. It can be **if you keep working at it.**

    It’s not “sit back and wait to turn 40”. If you put no effort in it, then it’ll be stale and boring. If you communicate, practice, explore, educate yourself, mature, etc etc, then of course it will improve.

17. I’m 32 and having far better sex bow than when in my 20’s. I’d say its a combination of things. Young people view the world black and white and are often pretty narrow minded in what they perceive as sexy/arousing/acceptable in sex. Also you understand your body better and then there’s the fact you often learn to communicate better.

18. I think it totally does!! I am 44 female, and since about 38 sex has gotten soooo much better!! Way better than in my 20’s for sure

19. If you have a partner who gives you what you need and want, sex will be great no matter your age. Im 42 and been on and off with the same man since I was 30. Sex with him is always amazing and hes older lol

20. 40 to 50 I feel like is kind of the “sweet spot” balance point between experience, exploring kinks, balance between strength of male and female libidos, knowing what you like, being in tune with your partner’s needs and still being young enough to have a really good looking, buff naked bod if you’ve taken care of it.

21. I’ve never understood this myself (30m), I’m having good emotional type sex currently, but when I was a teenager sex felt way better physically.

    (Medical issues are 100% why for me)

22. It’s mostly just about being more relaxed and more confident and willing to communicate what it is your needs are.

23. I have a very difficult time believing that that’s true. I think it’s just a comforting lie people tell themselves. Like I’m expected to believe people are having better sex when they’re older and, if they’re anything like most people, probably fatter and in worse physical condition? Lol ok

    But I could be wrong.

24. Yeah sex in my 20’s was…awful in comparison.

25. Based on others’ responses it seems to be generally true. From my own experience, it is not. The assumption is that you’ve been gaining experience all that time, which is happily true for most respondents. If you haven’t, then it’ll be just as awkward as when you were 20, but you’ll be (in many but not all cases) in worse shape. Due to this popular notion about older men being better it feels worse to be terrible in bed when you’re middle aged.

26. For us, yes. Just hit 50 and am having the best sex of my life.

    To be fair, my sex life in my 20s was pretty tame. We didn’t know what we were doing.