(20F) What am I doing wrong?

So, my social life in college has been pretty much non-existent. When I was on campus (I’m on break right now), all I’d do is study and talk to my boyfriend. Of course, he is my best friend and I love him to bits, but apart from him and a couple of friends from HS, I don’t really have anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve put myself out there many times now. I joined an academic organization, got to become an officer in that org, and sometimes I would even join a couple of their hangout sessions (if they posted anything in the org group chat)!

But the thing is, this org makes me feel more alienated than ever before.

For some context, I joined this org on my first semester of college. The process took an entire semester (around 4 months), which is **ABNORMALLY LONG** for orgs in my university. Hell, they usually last 1-2 weeks — 1 month *at most*. Because of this sem-long process, both the new and existing members in the org were extremely burnt out. And considering the fact that we held another orientation and process 1-2 weeks after my batch entered the org, we had little to no time to adjust to this new environment! Of course, the older members liked this newer batch more (their process only took 1 month), which left me and my batchmates with some sort of Middle Child Syndrome. Trust me, we try to connect with other members, but we mostly just get dismissed or ignored.

Fast forward a year later and I somehow win the elections in this org! Becoming an officer sparked this new hope inside of me. *Maybe I won’t be ignored anymore and actually start making friends!*

HA!

If anything, I feel more like an outcast in the group now. I won the elections by writing a detailed and extensive General Plan Of Action, and most of my ideas were for creating opportunities for the existing members to connect + for new batches to feel welcomed and excited. I genuinely looked forward to implementing them, but guess what? Almost all my plans were shot down during our first committee meeting, and I had to *beg* a higher officer to at least give me the go sign for my favorite idea. Well, what the hell, at least I still have that one idea and now I’m gonna implement the shit out of it, right? *Right?*

Wrong.

No one ever participates. That lone idea was for a weekly mental health check and question of the week, which was supposed to be fun for everyone (in my head at least). There it was — an opportunity for members to connect and get to know more about each other! I even throw in a little incentive giveaway for participants every now and then to get more people to answer the questions, but **nope**. I am entirely convinced that this activity would be more successful if other officers were doing the posting. In the org, no one really cares what I do or even see me. I just want to make friends, even one would make me feel super duper happy!

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I can’t really resign and disaffiliate because then I’d just make my family disappointed in me or something. But I’d be happy to share more details since I’m just so tired of feeling this lonely on campus. There’s this gnawing feeling that I’ll be this way forever and it stresses me out to no end. My depression has worsened and I just want to give my boyfriend a break from dealing with a sad and stressed out me. 🙁

EDIT: They also forgot my birthday last January 5th, but I guess that was to be expected? They usually post a greeting on the org page every time there’s a birthday and I didn’t get one. Out of my 60+ orgmates, not even one of them greeted me a happy birthday LMFAO