I met a guy online and we were interested in being fwb with each other. He sent me his photo and not only was he attractive, he seemed pretty smart and kind as well. When we met up last week, he looked different compared to the photo he sent me. His hair was way longer, was “bigger” and seemed shorter than what he portrayed himself as. I was pretty surprised and didn’t want to waste my time given that I was already there. We ended up getting along well but I told him that I don’t really want to have sex that night and ended the date on a good note but I still felt disappointed about being deceived.
The following day, he would send me a messages and asked if he could see me again. I ended up confronting him about the photo he sent and he admitted that it was from 4 years ago and wanted to present “the best version” of himself. I told him that he could have told me ahead that he looks different now but he didn’t and he said that “surely a phot wouldn’t be that bad right?” I told him that it was still deception and he apologized repeatedly and asked for a another chance on a clean and honest slate. I told him that I don’t want to have sex anymore with him after being deceived and he said that its fine despite him having hope initially for that and to possibly date me if I’m ready for a relationship. He added that he would rather be friends if thats what I want.
I was still pretty annoyed because of the deception but conversations with him seem nice. Still, I was misled and for about a week now, he’s still sending me messages apologizing, asking me how I am, etc. and even asked me if im free to meet up later. Should I forgive him but cut off all contact or should I forgive him and go for that clean slate?
7 comments
Forgiveness is never required and you don’t owe him it.
For me the question remains… if he’s concerned about “looking his best” with old photo’s? What else is he doing to look his best?
The concerning part for me is that he doesn’t seem sorry. Or repentant. His response, per you, is “why wouldn’t I?”.
It’s a light catfish (a picture of him) but the attitude is the more concerning part.
If you think he’s actually sorry and honestly apologetic? You can forgive and be friends… or more… but if not? If it’s a “sorry I got caught” type of sorry? I’d say pass.
Catfishing is no different than lying, except it would be really obvious if/when you meet. I was catfished too a few months ago and chose to end it. Great personality but significantly different than photos and I was not okay with that. I would have appreciated honesty over deception. If they cant be honest about something you will find out on the first date, what more serious things would they lie about?
No, he lied, and wasted the one resource you can’t get back, time.
No.
you know upfront that he’s absolutely 100% gonna lie to you, probably all the time, and probably about important stuff (stupid stuff too, ngl) so maybe find someone else
I don’t know, a four year old photo doesn’t seem that bad to me. Do you like the person he is now? That’s what matters. And it matters if he has any other red flags, that’s all
Meh, a photo from 4 years ago doesn’t seem like much of a deception. What do you mean seem shorter than what he portrayed himself as? What does he portray himself as and what did he end up measuring?