I am a normal family man. But in my sexual fantasies, I long to give up control and submit. I have not consciously chosen this, but it is deeply anchored in me.
Everything that goes in this direction stimulates me very much. On the other hand, it puts me under pressure when I have to deliver and provide.
Today I had the idea and the urge to allow more and more of this role of servant in my daily life as well. For my wife, family and friends. To learn to take myself back more and to serve others.
Good idea?
I am ashamed to talk about it because I feel it is a weakness.
I am not sure right now if I should allow this tendency more or rather get to the bottom of where it comes from in order to solve it if necessary.
How are your sexual preferences and roles reflected in everyday life? Are they in sync?
7 comments
I’m submissive to my wife and no one else. I am not weak. I’m a lion. I don’t need to roar to prove that I’m a lion. I serve her because I want to, not because I am weak.
I dont consider being submissive to be a weakness or a strength – though I can find arguments for both. It is neutral with no value judgement attached.
I do think you need to be careful and not just be “submissive” around everyone. What would that mean / look like for you? You need to ensure you are not breaking the rules of consent. Being submissive also puts additional pressure on someone else to lead. It is not something you always have the luxury of doing.
I would not feel comfortable being submissive unless I am entirely safe… with limitless trust. Normally, I am focused on protecting myself, my friends, and my family. Being able to, and actually giving up control is very exciting to me, and also relaxing. I consider my submission really a trust kink… being able to be so trusting that I can let go entirely, experience complete loss of control, and focus on my partner exclusively, all while safe in the knowledge that I am cared for and loved.
I would lean more towards accepting yourself rather than fighting yourself, so long as you set up appropriate boundaries, so that your natural inclinations are not harmful.
I think the desire to serve others and put them before youself is noble and admirable. Many folks are able to balance their role as an alpha in their work and life roles with being submissive in the bedroom, which is again putting your partner before yourself and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I am an alpha at work and even there I am submissive in the sense that I am serving my team and putting their success before my own. Submission is actually strength not weakness IMHO.
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It sounds like you’ve got some deeper shit beyond r/sex. Service to others isn’t weakness, it’s compassion and selflessness, which are things you need to be “strong” to handle. Putting others before yourself is harder than putting yourself first. Humility and humiliation do not mean the same thing. Work that out.
I wouldn’t say that. It takes great strength and trust. There are women out there who seem like dominant career ladies at work, but late at night when they’re with the man they love, they want him to rail her senseless and pull her hair and turn them into a very non-feminist mess in the sheets.
Either way, it’s all about choice and agency. Don’t let anyone knock you for it.
this is a case of doing what makes you feel happy
i wont lie to you, this is reddit, not the real world. people are going to look at you differently
but if youre fine with that, the world is yours