My husband and I have been together for 17 years. I recently found Viagra in his possession that he did not tell me about at the time. I had concerns after finding them and looked in his search history online. I was shocked to discover he had searched for escorts in his area when he was away for work a few weeks back. I confronted him and he said he was given the Viagra from a friend. I soon found out that was true. He admitted to searching for escorts in our town frequently but said he has never and will never act on it. He said looking at escorts is the same as looking at porn and he only looks at those sites to learn what kind of people are on there. I checked his bank records and can’t find any record of him paying for services but I know he is usually smart as he researches interests excessively. I asked him how long he’s been looking at escorts sites and he says he doesn’t know and reiterates that he is only looking. We have not really had a sex life in 2 years. I told him he is unfaithful and didn’t take our marriage vows seriously and he said he has been totally honest and has nothing to hide. Yet he didn’t tell me he was looking at escorts. I don’t know what to do. I feel completely heartbroken and betrayed.
6 comments
I don’t have any words of wisdom but just wanted to say that sounds very painful and I’m sorry. Best of luck.
As an escort myself, he is most definitely seeing them. On the odd chance that he hasn’t, then he definitely will in the future. Most payments to a SW are in cash so maybe look for times he’s taken out cash on his bank statement. Alternatively, if he was to pay by card it wouldn’t come up as something you would be able to recognise as SW. It may be an accounting firm, restaurant etc. I’m not too sure where you live but I’m from Australia where it is legal. I work at a brothel & transactions on bank statements are disguised like i said before. If you haven’t really had sex in 2yrs then he is most definitely trying to get that need met somewhere else, unfortunately. I work at a gentleman’s club, otherwise known as a brothel & 90% of our clientele are married men. Its not uncommon for them to use these services & our company does a good job at covering their tracks as they know most wife’s do check bank statements etc.
No real sex life in 2 years, what did you think would happen?
There a sub with a great resource library called r/loveafterporn . I discovered my husband was watching porn daily behind my back. He also searched escorts recently and had a dating app download on his tablet. Porn addiction is real and is under the umbrella of sex addiction. The addict starts to need bigger dopamine hits and escalates as time goes on. I would suggest doing some research and see if this is what is going on in your relationship.
>He said looking at escorts is the same as looking at porn
No. Lol. It’s not.
When I see people on here asking for advice about potential infidelity, the thing that makes me most mad, more than the clear breaking of marriage vows, is the fact that they have a partner who clearly thinks they are stupid or naive.
*Searching for escorts is the same as porn*?? *Getting viagra from a friend isn’t sketchy*?
And although he hid all this from you, he claims he was honest with you 100%?
Reread the paragraph you just wrote. You had a gut instinct that was right. You **aren’t** stupid. But your husband clearly thinks you are.
Also your husband has the balls to search for escorts and not clear his search history. He’s an idiot.
He’s seeing escorts.
Looking at escort ads isn’t the same as porn.
You haven’t had sex in two years, so I wonder what you thought would happen…? Not that I condone cheating, AT ALL. I’m just guessing he reached the end of his tether with you and sex.