How much time off work did you take after the death of a parent?

26 comments

1. A few days sorting out the funeral etc then back to it.

   The normality of work helped to stop the mind wandering too much and was quite a comfort really.

2. Mom died suddenly in her 50s on New Year’s Day 5 years ago.

   I was only an hourly paid scumbag back then but work graciously gave me two weeks off paid and I took an extra week holiday. I was ready to back long before then though tbh.

   Sorry for what you’re going through, it’s fucking shit.

3. I took about a week but that included going abroad for a funeral

   Assuming your work with normal human beings they will understand why you are struggling and most will be sympathetic

   At some point it’s best just to go back even if you are down. Everyday will be a tiny bit better than the previous day until some point a few months from now when you will have complete days where you have a completely normal day.

4. None.

   My dad died when I was 13 and I went to school the next day. I didn’t want his death to affect my schoolwork. I wanted stuff to take my mind away from the grief.

   Not saying this applies to everybody equally, but it worked for me.

5. It’s imminent. My mum has late stage cancer. I’ll have to fly back to the UK, probably go for two weeks. Good thing is my dad said he’ll.come back with me to the US for as long as his visa allows (3 months) so he’s not rattling around the house on his own (I’m an only child)

6. Two days when it happened then another two for the funeral. Work helped take my mind off things. Nothing worse than just sitting at home mulling things over.

7. About 3 weeks in all after my dad died. Mostly being there for my mum. Work was very understanding. Just needed the time to get my head together as well. The idea that you’d have a couple of days is just abominable to me.

8. My dad died during covid and I took no time off. I was living on my own, I had just split from my 10 year relationship and was unable to see my daughter at the time due to covid restrictions. If I hadn’t of stayed at work I would of hung myself.

9. Two weeks.

   The first week-and-half was just doing with the logistics of it. Funeral, solicitors etc.

   The rest was just *actually dealing with it*

   Some people need/want less time. Some people need more time.

10. Everyone is different, do what you need to. There will be a point where working will be more useful than staying at home because of the distraction element.

    Worthwhile thinking if you’re safe to work, poor concentration in a desk job might not be too bad but if you’re giving out medication could be pretty dangerous.

11. i cant remember it was a long time ago but probably only a couple of days for each, then the funeral.

    Sorry for your loss, if you need longer you need to let your boss know, maybe get a note from your doctor.

12. about 6 weeks paid as I knew my mum was not going to make it
    I took that amount of time off to be with her in her last week’s.

13. Just take as long as you need. If your head is not in the right place, maybe you need a bit longer.

    There’s no pressure to rush back, especially at the death of a parent. A good work place will understand that you aren’t a robot and that you need time to process what has happened.

14. I took two weeks off when my mother died, which is my employer’s standard period for immediate family. We’d had a couple of months to get to grips with the fact it was going to happen, so I spent the two weeks doing as much death admin as possible, sorting the funeral, and then went back to work. My manager was concerned I was back too early, but I was bored and fractious and wanted to go back to thinking about something that wasn’t trying to close bank accounts or sort out the mess of her will.

15. I am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad recently too. It took a good year for me to be able to sleep well at night. I know the feeling. It does eventually get better. I only took off a week after he died. I figured work would be a good distraction. One thing that really helped me was music. I found some tracks that really got me through the grieving process. Music might not work for you but maybe try and find something to help with the grieving? Take care.

16. Honestly, it’s pointless because everyone is different.

    I know people who have gone into work on the day, and people who have had 6 months off after. Do what feels best for you, when its the right time to go back you will know

17. I’m sorry for your loss. My father died unexpectedly last November. I took a day off for the funeral.

    That said, everyone is very different. If you need time off – take it and don’t be pressured to return early if you are not ready and you still need to process all the stuff that’s undoubtedly going on in your head.

    You may however need to get signed off work by your doctor if it’s more than a few days.

18. The answer is whatever feels right to you not anyone else.

    I took a day off for the funeral and that was about it but that is partly because she died in the Christmas (not this Christmas!).

    Grief is an individual thing and so **my response is not your response and not should it be.**

19. I took 3 months but could have been longer. Work can keep you busy but sometimes grieving without having to worry about work is a massive plus.

    Depending on your work and what/if they pay you for being off you should take the time off. You’ll be working for 40 years of your life so if you can’t take however long off work you need to cope with the grief of a parent then somethings wrong. The only thing that can come into the equation sadly is money – whats the work situation with pay and can you afford to not be working during the time off that you need.

    If work keeps you going then its good carrying on but if you dont feel ready then dont be pressured into going back whether that pressures from work or even family

20. I took a year off to care for my mum who had dementia and terminal lung cancer.

    She died in my arms 3 months ago, It was an extremely traumatic death for me, with a great deal of blood, but for her it was over in less than 3 minutes.

    Since then I have been just about holding myself together, to be honest the change back to being other than a fulltime carer is the hardest change to handle. Apparently I have ptsd from the experience too, which invades me every now and then. As for mourning her, I have learned that you get to discover an awful lot about yourself during the mourning process, that everything needs to be considered in small steps, and that time is your friend, there aren’t any shortcuts.

    Most importantly, honour your mothers memory by being gentle with yourself, just as she would.

21. So I lost my parents when I was at school.
    My dad passed when I was 12 in November and I didn’t return until the new year. My mum passed when I was 14 and I didn’t return till the next school year (social services intervention etc so 4 months?). Different for my age ofc but I needed time to heal and get some normality back.
    When my great aunt passed, she was my world and had looked after me and made sure I had everything I needed, I was 28. I took a week off then an extra month for mental health and to sort legal stuff. I needed to look after myself and my work was super understanding ensuring I didn’t return until I was able.
    If you are struggling, I’d recommend speaking to HR and your GP to get a sick note and keep in touch with your manager if you have a good relationship to let them know you need help and time.
    My condolences for your loss I hope you feel more like yourself soon

22. 5 days for each of my parents. I was just glad to get back to work, to be honest.

23. A week.

    My mother died in the early days of lockdown 1.0 from COVID. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to attend her funeral due to the risk of travel at the time.

    I also live on my own. Not a good time.

24. Stepdad died on 7th January… my work gave me last week off bereavement and I’ve taken this week off on holiday (funeral is on Thursday). I plan to go back to work next week:

25. I had two weeks off and when I went back it was absolute hell on wheels, and I was constantly exhausted (nobody tells you how fucking exhausting grief is), but it also forced me back into a routine and made me focus on something else just for a few hours a day, so overall it was for the best really, even though it was a struggle.

26. My mother died on the 14th of December. I’m really only back at work now, I logged in a couple of times just to catch up last week. I did have a week and a few the days between Christmas and New Year booked off anyway. So probably 2 to 3 weeks leave.