I have been friends with an old classmate for like 5 years since high school but no close friends at all. We basically used to just hung out every now and then for a coffee but I never considered him a close friend even to the slightest. He used to be an outsider that nobody hanged out with and he was very clingy towards me. I was the only person he hanged out with at least a bit so I was feeling bad for him to just leave him completely alone. I even met him my best friend, but she stopped talking to him because he was extremely clingy and got on her nerves. He used to have many problematic behaviours but everytime I tried to avoid him he was constantly clingy and stubborn so I decided to just keep him at a distance. I used to think that the reason he acts like that is that he doesn’t have any friends and doesn’t go out. Lately he started having friends and socialising and in fact he is getting even more unpleasant. I honestly can’t make a decent conversation with him without feeling like I talk to an animal. He finally got a girlfriend after hitting on half the city and got rejected and he constantly brags grossly with wayyyy too many details about their sex life, like what position they had, how many times did they cum, how she touched him and sucked him down there ect. Before her he just commented about every girl he saw things like “damn she got nice ass/feet/breasts” ect. Like a creepy old man. He either talks about sex, how much he loves his new motorbike(that he bought after spending all the money he made after working for a few months even thought his family is totally broke in order to show off to his classmates) or how much he drinks and gets drunk when he goes out with friends and makes his gf jealous. He is 20 years old and he does nothing meaningful or mature with his life. Everytime we go out he acts pretty cringeworthy so I avoid going in crowded places with him. Everytime I see him I leave with an awkward, empty feeling that I’d miss nothing if I stayed home
The fact is, lately he does nothing wrong to me so I can’t just find a reason to stop talking to him but I still feel like there’s nothing that makes me feel like this friendship has a point and I honestly wouldn’t feel bad at all if we stopped talking to each other. I just put myself in this situation because I was a pushover as a teen
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“hey Jim (whatever name he has) I was reading this book on keeping your house organized and it said you should look at each thing in your house, if it brings you joy keep it and if it doesn’t get rid of it. So I’ve been looking at my house and when I see you I feel no joy, I have decided to get rid of you. You have never brought me joy and now that you have started to make friends of your own I no longer need to keep you around.”
there are a few options as i see it.
Ignore it and stay his friend
decide to stop being his friend
or you can talk to him about how you feel and how its affecting your friendship to see if you can work on it.
When we’re out of school, that’s when we can see if our childhood friends fit. Most times we become friends because of common ground. It might be hard but I agree that you need to have a chat, maybe over coffee and a walk and just share but not unkindly that you feel maybe you both don’t fit together well and you feel more uncomfortable than happy when with him. Hopefully he doesn’t cuss you out 😐
Ooof. That sounds tough, my friend.
I’ve had friends like these too in the past and I’ve also found myself in the position of not knowing how to say “stop.”
Here’s a funny anecdote:
When I was in high school, a friend of mine (which I don’t particularly disliked) started to show me gory pictures and the like (I was not into that). One day I just lashed out and told him I was tired of all of that (and kinda shamed him for it) and then his expression turned a bit sour and asked if I still wanted to be friends with him. I was surprised and obviously I didn’t want that to happen so I just didn’t give him an answer. Some days later he apologized and we are still friends to this day. I don’t know if he actually still likes that stuff, but he never mentioned it ever again.
I guess it just takes some courage (which I don’t usually have, but the situation got the best of me.)
I usually have a good temper and I am patient, but that patience runs out after a while (and you don’t want to be beside me when that happens lol.)
If you leave it, maybe it will resolve itself (?)
But I hope you find the courage to end that relationship. That, or wait until he gets bored of you (or until he moves out of town or something).
Why don’t you just stop initiating conversation with him and see if y’all just stop talking eventually so that way you don’t have to have a falling out
I think your acquantance is better off without you, from reading you talk about him. Your foundation of allowing his presence (feeling bad for him) is first of all terrible, and second it’s gone. Just ignoring him seems best suitable for someone like you.