I(18M) have been holding it in for quite a while now. He was acting really quiet and strange around the house. Whenever we tried to ask him what was wrong he just said that he had a tough day at work. Which is very convenient because he has a very demanding job.
He has been a great dad my whole life. He always compromises his own needs for us. Him and my mom have been married for almost 20 years. It’s so frustrating and hurtful when you know how sensible and reasonable of a person he is. He’s always taught me the right values and has been a great role model.
I will be going abroad for further studies next month and I’m so scared. Not because I’m going to a new place but because I’m scared for my mom and my brother. Who knows what he’ll do. I know this relationship is casual but I can’t help but assume the worst. I haven’t been able to sleep properly. My whole perception of him has changed completely in the past 2 weeks.
2 weeks ago he came home extremely drunk from an office party. After coming home he handed me all his stuff and there it was. There was a notification from a person who seemed an awful lot like my mom’s friend. In the moment, i clicked on the text and read their whole text thread. It was terrible. They had been talking for quite a while and it felt like he had no remorse about it.
This lady is one of my mom’s closest friends and I can’t believe two of the people so close to her would betray her like this. When I first got to know, i couldn’t move. I felt completely numb.
For the first few days i gave him the benefit of doubt. I was in complete denial and refused to believe that my dad would do something like this. But today I completely broke down. I saw him talking to her again. And i just can’t keep it in anymore.
My mom is the sweetest most innocent person ever and she doesn’t and wouldn’t ever suspect him of anything. She talks to this lady once almost every 2-3 days. The worst part is how careful and cautious he is about talking to her. He has saved her contact with a different name on his official phone number and he always deletes the text thread after talking to her once.
I am experiencing so many emotions at once that it’s so hard to focus on anything. Frustration, annoyance, anger, sadness, confusion everything. I’m too scared to confront him and I’m worried if I tell my mom about it she will act harshly on impulse and take it too hard.
Please advise me on what to do. I need to hear someone else’s opinion on this because I’ve thought about it way too much.
I am extremely sorry if this is too incoherent. English is not my first language and I’m not exactly in the perfect frame of mind right now.
I thank you all in advance for reading.
9 comments
I would tell your mom. She deserves to know, and it is clear your dad does not have the courage to tell her.
Hey bud. You are in a bad situation and that really sucks. There are a lot of ways to approach this. It is not your secret to hold and please don’t feel guilty about it because you didn’t choose the actions your father did.
My suggestion based on the information above is to sit you dad down. See what he says and tell him you are aware of his “close relationship” with mom’s friend. That he needs to tell mom before you leave for your trip abroad or that you will.
Your parents are adults. While I’m sure your mom will be having a hard time with this, I’m sure she’d much rather find out and let you be comfortable on your trip knowing that its out in the open.
P.S. while he may have been a good father and may continue to be to you, keep in mind that he choose to have this relationship behind all of your backs. That is not a good lesson to teach a son. As a man, if he was unhappy, it would cause a lot less damage to break it off then cheat. He was selfish and now he has to deal with the consequences.
Updateme!
Tell your Mom.
Tell you mom.
If you don’t feel comfortable being that direct, set up a fake account and message her. Tell her that her friend and husband are not being truthful with her and to call the number in his phone labeled (insert the fake name he has in there for her) with his phone and see who answers.
I’m sorry you have to deal with this!
your dad may have been a good role model but his actions now says something very different. he is no longer the man you looked up to and is a very good liar. you need to tell everyone about who he really is so your family can move on, hopefully, without him.
Save any proof and tell mom. She needs to be tested for STD’s and reevaluate her marriage and friendship. No one deserves this kind of betrayal.
Your mom will feel more betrayed if her own child colludes with the cheaters. Tell her.
Tell your mom. She deserves the truth.