Friends wife of 4 years and mother of 2 cheated on him, months before big move to Switzerland, n he doesn’t sound too good. How can i support him?

13 comments

  2. Give him a listening ear. No matter how crazy he talks, right now he needs someone who will match his emotional energy to feel like he is being understood, being seen. So if he is bitching, bitch with him. If he is crying, be sad with him. If he angry, be angry with him. If he is laughing, laugh with him. Obviously don’t let him go harm/hurt someone or himself. But other than that you get the idea.

  4. Be there for him, listen to him if he wants to vent. Try (without pressuring) getting him out of home for activities: sports, beers, a hike, videogame night… Whatever that may help to unload his mind for a couple of hours.

  5. Encourage him to see a therapist first.

    Be there for him, but do not be his crutch. I’ve had this happen several times in the past and some people tend to get too clingy and become emotional vampires that can’t think for themselves anymore.

    Show empathy, but hint that he’ll need to figure out his next move. Use motivational interviewing if you really want to get him thinking. Motivational interviewing looks like this:

    “That was a terrible thing that happened, and it seems like you’re feeling awful.”

    -Let him talk for a bit, reflect back (active listening) what he just said to “make sure” you understand-

    “Yeah, I get that [what he just said paraphrased]; so what do you think your next steps should be? What are you looking to do?”

    And go from there based on his answers. Guide him, but don’t say, “I think you should do this.” Except the therapist part, and even then, you can say it like, “Hey. I think this is really having a number your well-being; I’m concerned about you. Have you thought about seeking therapy?”

    End of motivational interviewing.

    Again, do NOT be his crutch or you will be until he’s completely out of this and then some.

    It’s good to show empathy, but you must take care of yourself as well.

  6. Just kinda be there for him and provide an ear. IMO, try not to attribute or re-affirm negative qualities or views about the (former) wife because that’ll likely add fuel to the fire and piss him off more etc, despite cheating being a shit thing to do. In other words, try to take an objective approach to it. Something along the lines of “hey man life sucks sometimes and shit happens, think of it as her doing you a favor.” Not in those exact words but you get the gist.

    That’s sorta the approach I took when a buddy of mine found out he was being cheated on by his wife after having walked in on her with another man laying in HIS bed with his wife at home. He called me crying and all but I just tried to keep a cool demeanor and approach so as to not add salt to the wound so to speak.

  7. The truth is he’s fucked. His focus needs to be on his kids.

    People, when you cheat on your spouse, you are cheating on your kids.

  9. Oftentimes men aren’t good at sharing their emotions. If he does simply listen and don’t be judgmental. Try to spend time doing activities together and inviting him out.

  10. They weren’t married but they were together for a really long time and unlike me they did live together. She was cheating on him for years! Thier daughter (second kid) was 5 when they broke up. He wasn’t really mad about it though. He was just sad. The way he reacted was similar to the way he reacted when he found out he was going to be a teen dad. Crying in my arms scared of what is coming. He was 26 at the time, they’d been together for 12 years and he didn’t move away

  13. Invite him out/over and give him a life and a safe place outside of his home. Make sure he feels valued cuz he’s probably feeling pretty worthless right now. Ask him how he’s doing and his plans, and under no circumstances let him entertain the idea of forgiving her and staying with her.

    Also, if you happen to know a cutthroat lawyer who will help him fuck is soon-to-be-ex and keep his kids, definitely pass that info along.

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