The relationship, 31/M, 34/F started as study partners and we talked online for several months. We met personally after 4 months and things became intimate right then and there. We didn’t realize we already were falling for each other that time. After several weeks, he decided to ask me if I was ok to be in this relationship as he already thought I felt the same way that we were already a couple. I honestly thought we were moving too fast but he was already saying he’s not planning to meet anyone else but me so I agreed. We were back to being in a long distance relationship as I had to go back to my country.
Moving forward to this month, I got back and met with him. He stayed with me for a week and we got to know each other well. Unfortunately, there are differences in personalities and perspectives, made us fight a lot and have misunderstandings. Yesterday, he asked for some time to think if this is going to work in the future as we were both starting to settle down in a foreign country and this might end in a long distance thing, which is tough. He also said he cant stand fighting all the time and living together given our differences. After he left, he called and broke things up saying he can’t be a couple but he wants us to remain sweet and be friends. He still wants us to meet and talk just not be in a couple because of the future. I already had a feeling it was heading that direction and it only took him less than a day to think.
I agree this is tough to maintain in the future but I was willing to work things out and give us a try yet, he just wants us to be friends, still calling me darling. We both love each other obviously but him thinking of the future is what’s made him end it.
Should i continue talking to him and allow him to call me babe?
Would appreciate your thoughts. Thanks🙏🏻
18 comments
Many people are able to become amicable after a breakup. To what extent, degree and level needs to be worked out by the parties involved. If saying Darling, burns in your mouth like mouthwash and hearing it hurts too, then that’s something you two need to negotiate
Do you think this decision should be made by strangers? What do you want to do…
My best advice to you is to take the L, get over him, and move on with your life. As unfortunate as it is that’s the best course of action.
“Remaining sweet” sounds like he might try to be friends with benefits, in other words getting what he wants (sex or intimacy) without commitment. It’s a bad idea.
It is possible to stay friends after breaking up, but rarely without at least a few months apart to move on and start dating other people first.
Once you open that door and allow a situationship there’s no going back. It’s better for him because he’s getting all that comes from having a gf but without the title. That way, he’s free to do what he wants with who he wants, and you have no say. If you’re willing to put yourself through that, then go for it, but don’t expect him to ever take the relationship seriously.
No he’s trying to figure out how he can have his cake and eat it too. He’s already made up his mind he doesn’t want a relationship anymore so what’s the point. He’s only going to block you from meeting someone you are compatible with.
It sounds like you weren’t intimate or really in a relationship for a long time so friends might be possible. I think you should drop down completely to just friends or youll just be wasting eachothers time.
Hey he basically told you hes gonna put himself above , Your relationship. So you should also put yourself above your relationship.
So what you should do or not should be based off what’s best for you.
So what is best for you?
Not much you can do here besides go along with it or get out complete. He is trying to have best of both worlds. If you can genuinely be friends go for it but you would need to cut off the babe talk and stuff like that.
Ok to keep him as a friend ( FWB if u like also works) women do this all the time with men placing them in the friendzone ( but with no benefits at all )
But if you have the feels just erase him and move forward
In my opinion, I think it’s fine that you remain friends,but if he keeps calling you “babe” or something like that, would seem wrong. I don’t know about you but I think if you still have feelings for him, it my hurt you in in the long run. It’s good that you are able to know your differences before your relationship took up way too much of both your times though. But, if you insist on being friends with him still, I suggest putting boundaries to avoid getting hurt.
No. I have no idea why so many people feel this need to be friends with their ex partners. It’s so bizarre.
He doesn’t want you but still wants to use your body
If a guy likes you you’ll know. If he doesn’t you’ll be confused. He literally demoted you. Please keep your distance until you feel better.
He’s playing with your heart. Dump him.
Do what feels right and be honest with yourself. My ex is still my best friend, but we aren’t compatible on multiple spectrums. We still live with eachother. Other people thinks it’s weird but it works. The nuclear family doesn’t work for everyone
Girl no lol he wants access to you without having to actually work for you or put effort, don’t accept the bare minimum u deserve more
No. Run. RUN!